The Torturing of the Baskervilles: How Is the Downturn of Your Returnings?

Comrades,

Your blunderbuss is no longer being bunched, yes?

The last posting by comrade academician Bagley [HERE] was getting me to thinking, why are American liberals so unwilling to tolerate torture of – well, anyone in general - but suspected terrorists in particular?

As a committed supporter of any authoritarian dictatorship, you are knowing that I am approving 112.98989321% of any government that tortures. But there is seeming to be much noise emerging from your “peanut gallery.”

I am thinking that this is requiring the expert testimony of the talented comrade Gregorovich, magical talking cockroach and my personal spirit guide.

I am performing special whistle to summon comrade Gregorovich from within his home in the eighth dimension, just this side of the Xytm Lhma district, down by the Pmkds Lkm fyyd’lk of the Final Uuy ‘Ljnk K, on the left.

He emerged with a large explosion, and emitted his trademark giggle as he dusted himself off with an embroidered hanky.

“Greetings, friend Konstantinovich! What knowledge need be imparted to you this day?”

I briefed comrade Gregorovich upon the contents of comrade academician Bagley’s update, as well as my questionings.

“I see, friend Konstantinovich. Well, for the benefit of your readers, let us review Prof. Bagley’s concerns one-by-one.

And you, though a pathetic foreigner, at least have the advantage of being a caucasian. So I will trust you are at least able to grasp concepts with which you might not have come in contact before. Accordingly, I shall draw upon your experiences and opinions to illustrate the idiocy of the ‘libtards’ and their ridiculous arguments.

Now, let us begin:

The picture above is that of U.S. Army pfc Thomas Lowell Tucker (L) and U.S. Army Pfc. Kristian Menchaca (R). These men were captured in 2006, and brutally mutilated. Tell me, were these 2 men given a fair trial? You have to excuse me if I sound very sarcastic or irritated, but this is a subject I am very sensitive about.

Now, this is most sad, but I feel we should provide further background information for the uninformed. You may find the Wikipedia entry [HERE].

In fact, you’ll find the story is even more tragic than at first imagined. The family of Kristian Manchaca learned of his death not from the government, but from a television news program.

Next:

I can't sit back and listen to how we have "tortured" enemy combatants. These combatants were subject to sleep deprivation, waterboarding, listening to loud music. Uh excuse me, but these EVIL TERRORISTS still have their extremities, their heads, and most importantly their worthless lives. Now we are supposed to give these EVIL pieces of garbage Constitutional rights? Inspection of Guantanamo Bay by the new administration has found them to be in compliance with the Geneva Convention. I am terribly sorry that these EVIL people have to lose sleep, while our soldiers overseas have to lose body parts, and even their heads.

Now, friend Konstantinovich, what are your initial thoughts?”

“Comrade Gregorovich, first I am wondering, is the granting of your Constitutional Rights optional? I was being under the impression that any human, whether a natural born citizen or foreign national, arrested and in United States custody is automatically granted rights granted by your Constitution.”

“What? Friend, where have you acquired such vile lies?”

“Comrade Gregorovich, is being a part of your laws for many years, starting [HERE] with Wong Wing v. United States in 1896 to [HERE] with Hamdan v. Rumsfeld in 2008.”

“Well…those don’t count! They are the results of illegal actions of liberal activist judges!”

“Comrade! I was not being aware that such judges were existing in 1896!”

“Yes, friend; it is sad but true. But that is irrelevant! What these despicable – I hesitate to use the word ‘people’ – have done is so odious, so heinous as to transcend American jurisprudence! These terrorists are ALL – without exception – ALL guilty of crimes against humanity! There is no doubt – NONE AT ALL – that these loathsome creatures are complicit in the deaths of our soldiers!”

“Comrade Gregorovich, I was not knowing this! So your Christian deity has returned to earth to assist in capture of terror suspects?! Amazed I am being!”

I fear my line of reasoning bemused Gregorovich, for he sat for a moment with a puzzled look upon his face.

I continued hesitantly, “For your nation to be knowing without reservation the guilt of these fellows, is implying that God Himself was present at the time they were captured; yes?

How else to be 100% sure certain of anyone’s guilt? Otherwise, one would be vulnerable to human error. For no human can be ever KNOW with absolute certainty anything, yes?”

Not for the first time, comrade Gregorovich’s anger got the better of him; he unleashed about my head and shoulders a flurry of blows from his collapsible baton.

“DON’T YOU SASS ME, BOY! I’LL LEARN YOU A LESSON YOU’LL NOT SOON FORGET!!”

To be continued…

-Dasvedanya!

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian