President Andrew Jackson's Blogorific Blog of Blogging

Healthcare Reform: Forces of Darkness on the Move

2010-04-07T21:35:00.029-04:00

Comrades,

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

WHY HAVE YOU CHOSEN TO DESTROY LIBERTY?!

I am not having much time to write; the IRS healthcare enforcement agents, healthcare death panel squads, ACORN, and your President Obama’s Brownshirts are even now combing the city, rounding up any and all malcontents and Republicans for internment in the FEMA concentration camps!

Why, comrade Americans, have you chosen to jettison your Jeffersonian democracy in favor of Trostkyite-Stalinst-Leninist Nazi-Communism in one felled swoop?!

It is being an unconstitutional travesty of Biblical proportions! Even as your Kenyan Islamofascist-Bolshevik president was signing the Health Care Reform bill into law, his army of youth volunteers was descending into REAL America, pushing old women down stairs, kicking puppies, and taking candy from babies!

However, much fortuitously, there are being many who are not standing by idly at this massive government takeover of healthcare!

As an asiding, I am being confused: how can it be a government takeover of healthcare if the government is handing over billions of dollars to private healthcare insurance companies, has no role in directing doctors in the care of patients, and can do little more than fine people who forego insurance coverage? I am not sure, but that is undoubtedly because I am not being so smart as Rush Limbaugh:

But being best of all, there are true patriots of American democracy fighting the good fight:

Comrades, I am being so proud I am crying tears of patriotic joy as I am typing!

Never be forgetting: it is not that Democrats and Republicans have opposing viewpoints, and thus disagreements on policy; it is that ALL Democrats are stupid, conniving, unpatriotic, treasonous, Marxist-loving, Hitler-worshiping anarchists!

I am hearing the death panel squad outside, so I must be on the move again!

-Dasvedanya!

A Modest Proposal (for Enhanced Interrogation)

2010-03-14T20:42:00.007-04:00

Comrades,

I am needing to apologize for my absence these many months; I am just hoping you realize it was for the good of humanity!

I will be relaying more detailing tomorrow, but tonight I am hoping you will be observing patience.

To be placating you, I am very hoping you will watch video below. It is advanced copy of your country's former Vice President Dick Cheney latest special presentation:

Comrades, if you are being interested, you may be finding transcript [HERE].

-Dasvedanya!

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

The Government Is Controlling My Computer!

2009-08-13T21:08:00.013-04:00

Comrades,

WOE! WOE IS BEING UNTO ME!

I was being a fool, and now shall the freedom to control my computer be forever lost to me!

WHY, COMRADES?! Why was I not heeding the words of technology expert, Glenn Beck:

Comrades, I am fearing to tell you that in my hubris, I was thinking I knew better than Tech
Guru Glenn Beck, and belied his advice in a vain attempt to prove his words false!

And now my computer is the property of your United States government!

Comrades, I am remembering it all so clearly!

When first I am seeing Professor of Genius Technology Glenn Beck’s program, I was thinking that surely he was wrong!

And initially, that was seeming to be borne out. Following cars.gov – as Comrade Glenn reported - I was seeing nothing to be supporting his strangeness.

I was not finding any of the evil government control that comrade “always rational, never hysterical” Glenn prophesied during his fevered delirium.

How foolish I was! I was not knowing it yet, but I had placed my feet firmly within your government’s trap!

There was no mentioning – none - anywhere on Cars.gov of forfeiture of personal computer information to the federal government.

I was concluding that Glenn Beck was simply a cynical opportunist, capitalizing on the fears of his viewers to stoke conspiracy theories to further prop up his ratings, thereby allowing him to maintain what little sense of self-worth he must have.

Perhaps a searching of Snopes.com would be telling me something?

Yet more evidence to to be supporting of my hypothesis that comrade Beck is not mentally stable and/or in wanting of intelligence.

But what if Snopes is not being so nonpartisan as they are making themselves out to be; yes?

Is there being a website filled with slow-witted, semi-racist inbreds like comrade Beck that might contradict him?

Ah, such a place is existing [HERE]:

The Government Owns YOUR Computer?
Rapturealert.com ^ | 8/1/2009 | Michael G. Mickey
Posted on Saturday, August 01, 2009 1:09:50 PM by GiovannaNicoletta

If you log onto cars.gov, and I recommend you don't, the federal government literally takes ownership of YOUR personal computer. All of your files, EVERYTHING on your computer, the federal government can copy and DISTRIBUTE to ANYONE or any agency inside the United States or even on foreign soil without your permission. That's right! Believe it or not.
(Excerpt) Read more at rapturealert.blogspot.com ...

Ah ha! So comrade Beck was RIGHT!

Yes?

But those leaving comments are saying NO???

No, they don’t. Well, they probably do, but not in this case.

This isn’t cars.org (go check it out, despite what Glenn is saying. He is showing a blue page, cars.org is green)

When a EULA talks about “file on a SYSTEM”, they aren’t talking about your PC. The cars.gov website isn’t stored on your computer, they don’t mean YOUR system, they mean the client/server architecture.

As dumb as the cash for clunker scheme is, if anyone use the website on their own (when they find a way to make a server work with their 19 millions $), it’s pretty evident that the page Glenn refers to is for dealers, it’s not for you or me.

As much as it sadden me, Glenn it completely wrong on this one, he should have researched this bit a little more.

/Works in IT for a pretty large company. I can guarantee that Cars.gov isn’t malware

3 posted on Saturday, August 01, 2009 1:16:56 PM by Twofortea (Yes, I often differ from "accepted" Conservative views. So sue me.)

Here’s the key information:

1. If you are a consumer visiting cars.gov (the “cash for clunkers” website) the Federal government cannot take control over your computer, nor will it ask permission to do so.

2. The “Terms of Use” statement to which Beck refers is not from cars.gov. Rather it is a login page for dealer transactions located at esc.gov.

3. The only people who can get login credentials for the esc.gov site are dealers who have been screened and registered for the “cash for clunkers” program.

4. To summarize: the page in question isn’t on cars.gov and can only be used by dealers who have already registered. Consumers won’t be impacted by any of this.

esc.gov login page:
https://supplierpayments.esc.gov/OA_HTML/RF.jsp?function_id=28716&resp_id=-1&resp_appl_id=-1&security_group_id=0&lang_code=US&params=1QjBbvK328ZbUaSUNj3kbu7K3gvpagsk17LptZc1LOg

7 posted on Saturday, August 01, 2009 1:27:05 PM by Fizziks

Can someone explain the simple physics of a governmnet system being able to upload gigs of data from my computer in a matter of seconds over the same lines that I use where a simple 5 meg file takes 20 seconds to download?

16 posted on Saturday, August 01, 2009 2:58:42 PM by IYAS9YAS

So, I am guessing that is being that!

Or so I was thinking!

Just as I was preparing to exit the computer, I was CAUGHT:

Comrades, your government now had complete control of my computer! I was being helpless to stop them:

It is being too late for me, comrades! I was arrogant in my belief that Glenn Beck is nothing more than a doughy, self-serving, ignorant idiot!

But it is not being too late for you! Please to be saving yourselves!

Comrades, PLEASE be heeding the advice of comrade Beck!

If he was not being wrong about this, he must NEVER be wrong about anything!

-Dasvedanya!

The First, Second, and Last Firings in the War of Cultural Battles! The Forces of Good Once Again Destroy the Arguments of the EVIL LEFTISTS!

2009-07-14T21:31:00.008-04:00

Comrades,

I am being so pleased you are once again reading across the computer screen the words I am typing!

I was so fearing the threats of the chupacabra, I was being too apprehensive to be seeing whether you had answered my questions regarding the wine list.

Too also, I am pleading that you will be generous in your forgivings; comrade academician Bagley has been requesting additional information from me, but being incarcerated within the nightmarish confines of the Cthulhu mind powerings made responding difficult.

Now free of brain restraints, I will be answering questionings asked of me by comrade academician Bagley. As well as my own version of a VIDEO EXTRAVAGANZA later!

It is appearing to many that your President Obama is continuing to consolidate his power in order to be fulfilling the prophecies as foreseen by soothsayer/paparazzo/fashion designer Nostradamus!

Being most insidious is whispers of conspiracy and calumniation against true patriots of your country, as comrade academician Bagley is pointing out [HERE].

Being a curious primate, I was being curious enough to be following up on the truthiness of your Fox Channel’s most esteemed, never wrong, never hyperbolic journalist-professionals, so curious was I. From our comrades of Fox [HERE]:

[...]
And what we know right now is that this inspector general did a rather controversial investigation of a friend and political supporter of the president, a man named Kevin Johnson, former NBA star who is now the mayor of Sacramento, California.

And before he was mayor, Johnson had a non-profit group for children called St. HOPE, and there were allegations that Johnson had misused thousands and thousands of dollars in federal AmeriCorps grants.

And the inspector general, whose name is Gerald Walpin, investigated and found out that it was true — that Johnson had used this money to have AmeriCorps employees wash his car and run personal errands for him and all sorts of stuff.

So, Johnson did an investigation — excuse me, Gerald Walpin, the inspector general, did an investigation and confirmed all of these things. And his report made a number of people high up in the organization very unhappy.

[...]

Well, it is seeming to me that should close the discussion! Yes?

Despite the fact the story is not listing any independent sources nor dissenting views, I am not seeing how any SANE person could NOT believe them!

Some people in America is so stupid, no? LOL!

But to be bettering the hammering of nails in coffins of stupidness of the American Left, let us be examining the falsities of the “Pravda” of your Democrat Party, Media Matters [HERE], as comrade academician Bagley was suggesting:

Since President Obama suspended Gerald Walpin from the office of inspector general at the Corporation for National and Community Service, Fox News' Glenn Beck, Gretchen Carlson, Steve Doocy, and Brian Kilmeade, and radio host Laura Ingraham have repeatedly reported on Walpin's removal without noting allegations issued by acting U.S. attorney for the Eastern District of California Lawrence Brown in an April 29 letter that Walpin and his staff "did not include" or "disclose" relevant information regarding the case to Brown's office; that Walpin repeatedly discussed the case in the press after being advised "under no circumstance was he to communicate with the media about a matter under investigation"; and that Walpin's "actions were hindering our investigation and handling of this matter."

[...]

Beck further discussed Walpin's dismissal during the June 16 edition of his Fox News show without discussing Brown's letter. In addition, Carlson, Doocy, and Kilmeade ignored Brown's letter while discussing Walpin's dismissal with Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA) during the June 18 edition of Fox & Friends.

By contrast, the Associated Press reported in a June 12 article about the firing, "Walpin was criticized by the acting U.S. attorney in Sacramento for the way he handled the investigation of Johnson and St. HOPE Academy."
Further, as reported by ABC News senior White House correspondent Jake Tapper in a June 12 post on his blog, Political Punch, White House counsel Greg Craig "said that the White House was 'aware of the circumstances leading to that referral and of Mr. Walpin's conduct throughout his tenure and can assure you that that the president's decision was carefully considered.' " Tapper further reported, "[Craig] noted that Walpin's termination 'is fully supported by the Chair of the Corporation (a Democrat) and the Vice-Chair (a Republican).' "

Well comrades, it is seeming to me that comrade academician Bagley’s claims of doubling of standards at your Media Matters is being confirmed! The claimings of non-partisan, hard hitting journalist Glenda Beck are not having documentation, witnesses, or “evidence” to be supporting Gerald Walpin. But I am being confident that the “lib-retardeds” of your Media Matters cannot muster the intellectual to be challenging comrade Beck. Yes?

In order to furthering destroy paper-thinning “facts” of the leftist website, let us be humoring them by following their “source.” Comrades, I am LOLing heartily at the nonsensicals of these Marxist sympathizers! Especially humoring is this document they have [HERE]:

[...]

This matter was referred to our Office on August 7, 2008. However, even before our Office officially received this matter, we learned about it in April and June 2008 through articles in the Sacramento Bee newspaper, including comments from an IG spokesperson. Moreover, we considered the IG referral somewhat unusual in that it was accompanied by a letter from Mr. Walpin (enclosed) explaining that he viewed the conduct in this case as egregious and warranted our pursuing the matter criminally and civilly.

[...]

Comrades, that would be meaning that disciplinary actions were being considered months before your President Obama was even elected! Now that is leaving three possibilities, each more insidious and vile than the last:

Obama hired technical geniuses to alter every copy of this document on the interwebs!
Obama built a time machine, went back to August 2008 and planted this document to make it appear as though Bush administration officials sought to fire Walpin!
Bush administration officials, dismayed by unprofessional and/or unethical practices, decided to can his ass.

Obviously comrades, I am sure you are knowing which of these is possibles and impossibles.

Your President is having a TIME MACHINE! Has he not been hearing of butterfly effect?!

I am not wanting to fight dinosaurs!

-Dasvedanya!

Cap and Tax

2009-06-28T11:47:00.011-04:00

Greetings governess proviso supporters,

What a historic day for our country. The House has passed a WONDERFUL bill, that will cost Americans "the price of a stamp each day". HERE is a Wall Street Journal on the Waxman-Markey bill. HERE MEDIAtheTruthMATTERSnot explains:

Entirely absent from these critiques is the result of a recent Congressional Budget Office analysis that found that the bill's net impact to households would eventually range between a benefit of $40 per year and a cost of $340 per year, with an average cost of $175 per year.

What MEDIAtheTruthMATTERSnot doesn't tell you, is that "The CBO's analysis looks solely at the year 2020, before most of the tough restrictions kick in. As the cap is tightened and companies are stripped of initial opportunities to "offset" their emissions, the price of permits will skyrocket beyond the CBO estimate of $28 per ton of carbon. The corporate costs of buying these expensive permits will be passed to consumers".

Just read the Heritage Foundation's research of this asinine bill. The manner in which this bill was forged is disconcerting. A massive bill of this nature was handed to House members only a day before the vote. To make matters worse they added an additional 300 pages at 3 a.m. This bill is nothing more than an attempt to line the pockets of these crooked politicians with the money of "Green" companies that they themselves have invested in. On an unrelated matter: MEDIAtheTruthMATTERSnot reports:

"As usual, the content of the program proved that charges of pro-Obama favoritism just wouldn't fly. Hosting, ABC's Charles Gibson claimed that "a lot of people are very uncomfortable" with the "idea" of "government insurance," even though a recent New York Times poll pegged support for such a plan at a whopping 72 percent".

What they FAIL to state is that the Poll to a majority of Obama voters. Does ANYONE actually believe that 72% of Americans think this is a good idea? Please.

-Prof. Bagley

Video Extravaganza

2009-06-27T13:21:00.009-04:00

Greetings governess proviso supporters,

Is Common Sense non-partisan?

Older video of John Kerry calling American troops terrorists.

Here's John Murtha. Soldiers are guilty till proven innocent in his eyes.

Harry Reid: "The war is lost." Obama says surge will make Iraq worse. Later Obama says surge worked, but he was still right.

Warning:Offensive Language.

Red Eye's take on Olbermann.

Mark Levin on MSLSD.

The cable news ratings are in. Olbermann CRUSHED once again. Olbermann's 8pm broadcast can't even beat the egotistical O'Reilly's 11 pm reruns. But CNN must really know Michael Jackson. This is the first time they have lead ratings in a REALLY long time. For one day though.

-Prof. Bagley

Gerald Walpin

2009-06-19T11:18:00.009-04:00

Greetings once again my friends.

This post is dedicated to Al Capone, I mean Barack Obama.

Surely by now you have heard about Gerald Walpin:

A few details about this:

-Obama broke a law HE helped co-sponsor. You can see it [HERE].

-I guess Obama is above the law. He IS the law. STILL waiting for Media Matters misinformation on this one. I'll keep you posted.

How bout some more Obama misinformation:

Sorry, FOX news is not like MSNBC. They actually report stories and don't call you GOD.

[HERE] that Scab guy talks about it a little bit.

[HERE] is an older one.

My next post will be a video extravaganza.

-Prof. Bagley

To You, the Marxist, Dead Baby-Eating, Homosexual, Islamofascist Obama: a Response!

2009-06-16T22:49:00.004-04:00

Comrades,

I am trusting that your hair net has ceased its conversations with the inhabitants of the underworld, yes?

I am admitting a certain volume of fearing after seeing the dreadful genocide that your President Obama is planning, as has been pointed out [HERE] and [HERE]!

So in furthering of understanding, I am undertaking the interviewing of Comrade Pastor Owen.

You may be finding Youtubing [HERE]:

Dasvedanya!

Media nonMatters

2009-06-15T23:50:00.012-04:00

Media Matters is back in my cross hairs. It's quite easy to pick them apart if one had many college interns working for them, then you can distort videos all day.

I must first put out the ratings. Once again FNC destroys MSNBC, and CNN. I can see Media Matters post on this now: "Fox News falsely claims they lead ratings".

Here's some interesting news from the Glenn Beck Show. I can't wait to see Media Matters distort this one.

Once again I challenge you. Just skip Media Matters and watch the Glenn Beck show FIRST. After you start watching him, you will realize how much sense this guy makes. Then you can go to Media Matters and see their "spin" put on it. You will see how much Media Matters is full of sh*t.

-Prof. Bagley

Constitution

2009-06-15T20:22:00.008-04:00

I must apologize for my extended absence. I was busy bounty hunting with Dale Gribble. Things were fine until he caught rabies.

Anywho, I must first address Comrade Konstankotaiazichi;e'as post about Wing Wong Ding Dong vs. United States, 1896.

The Chinese Exclusion Act imposed imprisonment at hard labor and deportation to Chinese persons convicted of unlawful entry to or presence in the United States. Wong Wing was charged under the Act. A commissioner of the Circuit Court (who was not a judge) found that Wong Wing was an unlawful alien and sentenced him to 60 days at hard labor followed by deportation to China. Wong Wing sought a writ of habeas corpus, but it was denied. He appealed to the Supreme Court.

I do not see how this case relates to enemy combatants captured in "overseas contingency operations". I patiently await your response Komraid. Obviously my absence has caused my spelling skills to diminish greatly.

I happened upon a very sharp website [HERE].

I find one very important quote in this:

I ask this question: Who will limit the expansion of government? President Obama and the Executive Branch? Speaker Pelosi or Senate Majority Leader Reid? The Supreme Court? For the moment, The Supreme Court is the only chance we have. Once Sonia Sotomayor, an activist judge is confirmed, Ruth Bader Ginsberg will resign and then we have not one branch of government to stop the wild ride to Socialism. By the way, Socialism whether Americans want it or not, and I believe a huge majority do not want it, is unconstitutional. The preamble to the Constitution makes it clear:

We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

I never defended every action of George W. Bush. I found his economic policies after his second election, to be poorly managed. Don't look at Obama as a Democrat, or a Republican. I do not look at politicians through such eyes. There are good and bad of both parties. But I must now challenge you my friends....to see if you can truly look and see that Obama is circumventing the Constitution?

-Prof. Bagley

Torture: Be Proud of Your Heritage, America! Part II

2009-04-17T22:45:00.012-04:00

Comrades,

I was receiving your status reports for the week ending April 10th, and I am being disappointed. Your sales numbers are being lower year-to-date; your attendance has become inconsistent.

Comrades, please to be thinking of me not as supervisor, but friend; yes? And as friend, I am giving friendly suggestion; yes?

Shape up, bourgeois pigs! Or I am being forced to write up for poor performance! Now be getting out of my sight! I am feeling my belly lunging upwards!

Be having fun, comrades! Remember: we are friends!

I am trusting you have not forgotten previous installment [HERE], wherein comrade Gregorovich was being kind enough to train me in ways of American speakings.

I awoke to consciousness several hours later. Comrade Gregorovich had apparently filled the intervening time by imbibing several liters of a vodka/soda/gasoline mix drink. He focused on me with obvious difficulty.

“Marlene, is that you? You’ve really let yourself go.”

I was not being aware who Marlene was, and informed Gregorovich accordingly as I sopped up the copious volume of blood which had issued forth from my facial lacerations.

“Comrade, it is I, Konstantinovich! Have you forgotten? We are examining academician Bagley’s suppositions regarding the torture of suspected terrorists.”

Nothing revives Gregorovich’s sobriety so much as righteous indignation. He launched himself from the tomb of the ancients, performed a midair somersault, and finished with a perfect three-point stance.

“That’s right, commie filth! Before we were so rudely interrupted by your stupidity, we were discussing the logical fallacies inherent in arguing that Gitmo detainees are human beings!

Now, as I’ve stated already, we have no doubt that every single ‘person’ sitting in Guantanamo Bay and sundry ‘black sites’ were captured because they were actively engaged in acts of terrorism!

How do we know this? Because the government tells us they were! Of course, as civilians, we aren’t privy to all the evidence that’s been collected to prove such, so we have to take the government’s word for it.

So why should we trust the government? Because they tell us they’ve got evidence - which is not available to either us stupid civilians or the accused - that says these people were engaged in acts of terrorism!

So let’s review:

Do you see, friend?”

“Comrade, I am being certain your argument would not be making sense to me if not for the beating I sustained at your hands. But I am seeing hallucinations as well as the logic of your argument.”

Gregorovich tittered with his mirthful giggle.

“Very good, friend. Now we continue; so we know these pernicious fiends are in custody. Can you tell me now, is there any reason we should NOT torture these beasts?”

“Comrade, I am believing in your ability to see what does not exist in reality; and as a committed supporter of authoritarianism, I see no problem with the practice of torture. But I am not seeing how your country can legally reconcile it with your Constitution.”

Again, Gregorovich giggled; following the giggle, he poured himself an apple martini, which he then threw in the face of a bartender who suddenly apparrated.

“Friend, if there’s one thing America has learned in this young century, it’s that the ‘law’ is whatever the executive branch says it is.

The Bush administration taught us that the Constitution is not necessarily essential to protect; you can pick and choose what you want to defend, and what you wipe your ass with. For example:

Dick Cheney taught us that the Vice Presidency is its very own branch of government! It’s neither a part of the executive branch, nor the legislative! It exists in a netherworld that the Founding Fathers MEANT to include in the Constitution, but were too stupid and uneducated to add! It required the ascension of a brilliant, Constitutional student such as Dick to assume his rightful place in the heretofore unnamed fourth branch of government!
That it’s possible for America to disregard not only its obligations to legally-ratified treaties, but that it can emulate the most unconstitutional of dictatorships with ease!

Well, the list is rather long…but impressive. And now, the Obama administration is following suit!

In fact, they’ve gone one better! They’ve argued that not only does the NSA reserve the privilege to spy on whomever it wants whenever it wants, but that we the people are powerless to stand up to it!”

“Comrade, is that not antithetical to everything Constitutional law as it’s been practiced for over 200 years? How are you to know if the government is eavesdropping on you by mistake?”

Gregorovich waved his hand dismissively.

“Pfft! ‘Constitutional law’ is an overrated concept. As for the ‘mistaken eavesdropping’, that’s just stupid! The NSA, like this nation’s law enforcement agencies, is never mistaken!

Also, if you’re not guilty of a crime, you shouldn’t mind having your phone conversations listened to.

Even better, the Obama administration closed loopholes to better block all those ACLU pussies! I love this part from those pansies at the EFF [HERE]:

The DOJ claims that the U.S. Government is completely immune from litigation for illegal spying — that the Government can never be sued for surveillance that violates federal privacy statutes.

Brilliant! Here’s basically what the government is saying:

Anyway, you’ve gotten me off track once again, friend. Let us return to matter at hand.”

At this, Gregorovich released a flock of doves into the air, which then flew into formation spelling out crude, gauche messages to a group of preschoolers across the street.

To be continued…

-Dasvedanya!

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

The Torturing of the Baskervilles: How Is the Downturn of Your Returnings?

2009-04-13T20:41:00.011-04:00

Comrades,

Your blunderbuss is no longer being bunched, yes?

The last posting by comrade academician Bagley [HERE] was getting me to thinking, why are American liberals so unwilling to tolerate torture of – well, anyone in general - but suspected terrorists in particular?

As a committed supporter of any authoritarian dictatorship, you are knowing that I am approving 112.98989321% of any government that tortures. But there is seeming to be much noise emerging from your “peanut gallery.”

I am thinking that this is requiring the expert testimony of the talented comrade Gregorovich, magical talking cockroach and my personal spirit guide.

I am performing special whistle to summon comrade Gregorovich from within his home in the eighth dimension, just this side of the Xytm Lhma district, down by the Pmkds Lkm fyyd’lk of the Final Uuy ‘Ljnk K, on the left.

He emerged with a large explosion, and emitted his trademark giggle as he dusted himself off with an embroidered hanky.

“Greetings, friend Konstantinovich! What knowledge need be imparted to you this day?”

I briefed comrade Gregorovich upon the contents of comrade academician Bagley’s update, as well as my questionings.

“I see, friend Konstantinovich. Well, for the benefit of your readers, let us review Prof. Bagley’s concerns one-by-one.

And you, though a pathetic foreigner, at least have the advantage of being a caucasian. So I will trust you are at least able to grasp concepts with which you might not have come in contact before. Accordingly, I shall draw upon your experiences and opinions to illustrate the idiocy of the ‘libtards’ and their ridiculous arguments.

Now, let us begin:

The picture above is that of U.S. Army pfc Thomas Lowell Tucker (L) and U.S. Army Pfc. Kristian Menchaca (R). These men were captured in 2006, and brutally mutilated. Tell me, were these 2 men given a fair trial? You have to excuse me if I sound very sarcastic or irritated, but this is a subject I am very sensitive about.

Now, this is most sad, but I feel we should provide further background information for the uninformed. You may find the Wikipedia entry [HERE].

In fact, you’ll find the story is even more tragic than at first imagined. The family of Kristian Manchaca learned of his death not from the government, but from a television news program.

Next:

I can't sit back and listen to how we have "tortured" enemy combatants. These combatants were subject to sleep deprivation, waterboarding, listening to loud music. Uh excuse me, but these EVIL TERRORISTS still have their extremities, their heads, and most importantly their worthless lives. Now we are supposed to give these EVIL pieces of garbage Constitutional rights? Inspection of Guantanamo Bay by the new administration has found them to be in compliance with the Geneva Convention. I am terribly sorry that these EVIL people have to lose sleep, while our soldiers overseas have to lose body parts, and even their heads.

Now, friend Konstantinovich, what are your initial thoughts?”

“Comrade Gregorovich, first I am wondering, is the granting of your Constitutional Rights optional? I was being under the impression that any human, whether a natural born citizen or foreign national, arrested and in United States custody is automatically granted rights granted by your Constitution.”

“What? Friend, where have you acquired such vile lies?”

“Comrade Gregorovich, is being a part of your laws for many years, starting [HERE] with Wong Wing v. United States in 1896 to [HERE] with Hamdan v. Rumsfeld in 2008.”

“Well…those don’t count! They are the results of illegal actions of liberal activist judges!”

“Comrade! I was not being aware that such judges were existing in 1896!”

“Yes, friend; it is sad but true. But that is irrelevant! What these despicable – I hesitate to use the word ‘people’ – have done is so odious, so heinous as to transcend American jurisprudence! These terrorists are ALL – without exception – ALL guilty of crimes against humanity! There is no doubt – NONE AT ALL – that these loathsome creatures are complicit in the deaths of our soldiers!”

“Comrade Gregorovich, I was not knowing this! So your Christian deity has returned to earth to assist in capture of terror suspects?! Amazed I am being!”

I fear my line of reasoning bemused Gregorovich, for he sat for a moment with a puzzled look upon his face.

I continued hesitantly, “For your nation to be knowing without reservation the guilt of these fellows, is implying that God Himself was present at the time they were captured; yes?

How else to be 100% sure certain of anyone’s guilt? Otherwise, one would be vulnerable to human error. For no human can be ever KNOW with absolute certainty anything, yes?”

Not for the first time, comrade Gregorovich’s anger got the better of him; he unleashed about my head and shoulders a flurry of blows from his collapsible baton.

“DON’T YOU SASS ME, BOY! I’LL LEARN YOU A LESSON YOU’LL NOT SOON FORGET!!”

To be continued…

-Dasvedanya!

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

Financial Meltdown Tutorial: Step Four - Rewarding of the Final Jackpot of Phoenix

2009-04-06T21:12:00.009-04:00

Comrades,

I am welcoming you to part three of this, my 74 part series investigating the death of your free market capitalist system of commerce.

You may be finding the other parts below, yes:

Part 1- Hunting of the Snipe

Part 2- Indoctrination

Part 3- Misinformation

You might be recalling when last you left, comrade Gregorovich and I were on the verge of uncovering mass deceptions; cover-ups to rival those of the 911 conspiracy (the nefarious work of the ACLU and abortionists, yes?), the Roswell Incident (are you imagining, comrades, how awesome are the powers of the principals in smothering the truth? I am finding it frightening that they can bury ANY physical evidence for 60 years, all the while keeping an eye on the thousands of people privy to the information. Especially insidious is it in knowing how poorly your intelligence services perform in keeping ANYTHING ELSE secret!), or the faked Moon Landings (poorly thought-out arguments they may be, but how else to explain their perseverance?)!

Today, we are picking up where we were leaving off:

“Comrade Gregorovich, I am not grasping at your meaning. I am following these links, and I am finding nothing but confirmation that the CRA was not even indirectly responsible for the collapse of the housing market.”

Comrade Gregorovich chuckled ominously before belching up a unicycle.

“Yes, friend, that is all very true. What does that lead you to believe?”

“Comrade, am I misusing common sense in assuming that all I have seen leads me to believe that CRA is mostly, or completely, blameless in causing your subprime housing collapse?”

No mere giggle did comrade Gregorovich release this time, but a full-throated guffaw that did not end until he transformed himself into a butterfly, then burst into flames, only to reappear whole.

“No, my friend. Using common sense, one would indeed be drawn to such a conclusion. However, we are not dealing with common sense; we are dealing with the poor, abused, dispirited personalities of those great American patriots of Right Wing Media.

Let us return once again to…gag…MediaMatters. By the right hand of Zeus! How much easier this would be if not for this accursed gag reflex!”

Whereupon comrade Gregorovich leaped upon a stage which suddenly appeared, and performed a three-hour long sonata based upon the “Howard the Duck” soundtrack.

“See here, friend. Now shall we witness what lies these soulless fiends have to share about the leader of God’s Own Party, Rush Limbaugh.

Ah. Here we are. Now shall we see uncover what you have learned? After today’s lessons, what can you tell me is wrong about this page?”

Limbaugh falsely asserted "Banking Queen" Barney Frank "created" subprime mortgage crisis
Summary: Rush Limbaugh falsely asserted that Rep. Barney Frank "created the problem" of the subprime mortgage crisis, claiming that Frank's "definition of affordable housing was to make sure that people who couldn't pay the loans back got the loans, the mortgages. He forced Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to do this." In fact, Frank has advocated for policies that emphasize low-income home rentals as opposed to homeownership and supported legislation to strengthen oversight over Fannie and Freddie.

“Gregorovich, again I am seeing many links to disprove what comrade Limbaugh is saying.

I am seeing [HERE] to be backing up MediaMatters in their description of what Barney Frank proposed:

H.R.1427
Title: To reform the regulation of certain housing-related Government-sponsored enterprises, and for other purposes.
Sponsor: Rep Frank, Barney [MA-4] (introduced 3/9/2007) Cosponsors (5)
Related Bills: H.RES.404
Latest Major Action: 5/24/2007 Referred to Senate committee. Status: Received in the Senate and Read twice and referred to the Committee on Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs.
House Reports: 110-142

I am seeing [Here] that the Bush administration backed such regulation:

The Administration supports legislation to create a stronger and more effective regulatory regime for Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, and the Federal Home Loan Banks[...]

And I am seeing [HERE] that even economists disagree:

Fannie and Freddie got into subprime junk and helped fuel the housing bubble, but they were trailing the irrational exuberance of the private sector. They lost market share in the years 2002-2007, as the volume of private issue mortgage backed securities exploded.

I am apologizing, Gregorovich, but everything here is disproving all that comrade Limbaugh is saying.”

Once again, comrade Gregorovich appeared beside himself with glee. So giddy was he that he even deployed his own carrier pigeon to send himself a letter later in the day, addressed to himself, detailing what tomorrow’s blue plate special would be at Cracker Barrel.

“Precisely, friend; and you’ll likely NEVER find proof ANYWHERE to back up what Rush has to say about Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

Do you know why, friend?”

I am confessing, so confused and unknowing was I that tears began welling up in my eyes.

“Comrade Gregorovich! I am not knowing why?! Am I so foolish, so stupid that I cannot grasp your lessons?!”

Once again, Gregorovich’s visage softened, and his kind eyes beheld only patience and understanding; also heroin.

“No friend, you are no fool. You are merely untrained in recognizing the evils that American liberalism has foisted upon an unwitting populace.

Listen now, and heed well my words.

You will seldom find ‘evidence’ to back the claims that patriot Limbaugh makes. Oh, he will on occasion reference a newspaper article, or quote a segment of a book. But by and large you will not find ‘documentation’ or ‘proof’ that what he says is truth.”

Gregorovich’s comforting words had helped to soothe my discomfort, but I was continuing to struggle with this new reality.

“But comrade, if citizen Limbaugh is not citing his sources, how are we to be knowing what he says is not a lie, or a mistake?”

At this, Gregorovich began speaking through a sock puppet.

“Friend, prepare to have your mind blown.”

And comrades, indeed my mind would be blown.

To be continued…

-Dasvedanya!

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

Appeasement Never Works

2009-04-06T11:46:00.009-04:00

Greetings governess proviso supporters,

The picture above is that of U.S. Army pfc Thomas Lowell Tucker (L) and U.S. Army Pfc. Kristian Menchaca (R). These men were captured in 2006, and brutally mutilated. Tell me, were these 2 men given a fair trial?

You have to excuse me if I sound very sarcastic or irritated, but this is a subject I am very sensitive about. I can't sit back and listen to how we have "tortured" enemy combatants. These combatants were subject to sleep deprivation, waterboarding, listening to loud music.

Uh excuse me, but these EVIL TERRORISTS still have their extremities, their heads, and most importantly their worthless lives. Now we are supposed to give these EVIL pieces of garbage Constitutional rights? Inspection of Guantanamo Bay by the new administration has found them to be in compliance with the Geneva Convention. I am terribly sorry that these EVIL people have to lose sleep, while our soldiers overseas have to lose body parts, and even their heads.

I am so excited that the "War On Terror" has become "Overseas Contingency Operations". In 2001 I was naive in underestimating this phrase. It was no big deal to me. I naively thought everyone could agree that we were engaged in a War On Terror.

Boy have the Liberals opened my eyes.

The fundamental difference between a Liberal and a Conservative regarding "TERRORISM" is appeasement. Liberals simply believe that if you're nice to people they will simply be nice. If you call something evil, Liberals will brand you a "loon". They don't believe there is any evil in the world.

Conservatives fundamentally believe in calling "bad guys" what they are: EVIL.

Sorry Liberals, but we can't all live in La La land. While we are here arguing about this fact, ISLAMO-Fascists are plotting our destruction. I don't understand why it is so hard to see that they will never cease in their endeavors of global domination. If you are not a Muslim, they WANT YOU DEAD.

Look at Hezbollah's tactics of firing Katusha rockets at Israeli child care centers. These people are sick and perverse. Simple as that. They will never negotiate, and they will never quit. This is why America is in a life and death struggle, whether many of our citizens know it or not.

-Prof. Bagley

Torture: Be Proud of Your Heritage, America!

2009-03-31T20:53:00.009-04:00

Comrades,

You Americans are never ceasing in causing my belly to be rumbling with uncontrollable laughter!

You are remembering once before I was telling you the true purpose of torture [HERE], yes? Or in words of your Vice President Dick, “enhanced interrogation.”

LOL! Comrades, you Americans and your resistance to unpleasant truths! Why are you not simply “calling a spade a spade?”

America has engaged in torture.

Really, comrades. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Your country has joined good company. I was seeing much torture during my time in both KGB and GRU; my old country was engaging in torture for many decades.

Our comrades in North Vietnam during your war in the 1960s were engaging in torture, as many of your veterans can be remembering.

Please be remembering [HERE] also, friends, that my old country’s comrades in North Korea were developing the techniques your Bush administration would be using as template for your…I am giggling just using your term…”enhanced interrogation!”

Comrades, YOUR CIA was using THEIR manual!

I am still LOLing!

But your nation is now being able to proudly stand shoulder-to-shoulder with such distinguished nations as Augusto Pinochet’s Chile, and Pol Pot’s Cambodia.

My friends, your nation can now even be counted among the Axis Powers of World War II as participants in unnecessarily inflicting pain on your prisoners!

But I am not seeing how you will be reconciling the fact that the Allies prosecuted Japanese jailers for doing what your CIA has been doing [HERE]. Perhaps by redefining waterboarding as “fraternity prank” [HERE], yes?

So be holding your head high, comrade! Please do not be letting news such as [HERE] turn your smile upside down into a frown:

Detainee's Harsh Treatment Foiled No Plots
Waterboarding, Rough Interrogation of Abu Zubaida Produced False Leads, Officials Say

[...]The application of techniques such as waterboarding -- a form of simulated drowning that U.S. officials had previously deemed a crime -- prompted a sudden torrent of names and facts. Abu Zubaida began unspooling the details of various al-Qaeda plots, including plans to unleash weapons of mass destruction.

Abu Zubaida's revelations triggered a series of alerts and sent hundreds of CIA and FBI investigators scurrying in pursuit of phantoms. The interrogations led directly to the arrest of Jose Padilla, the man Abu Zubaida identified as heading an effort to explode a radiological "dirty bomb" in an American city. Padilla was held in a naval brig for 3 1/2 years on the allegation but was never charged in any such plot. Every other lead ultimately dissolved into smoke and shadow, according to high-ranking former U.S. officials with access to classified reports.

"We spent millions of dollars chasing false alarms," one former intelligence official said.[...]

Comrades, I am LOLing so much my nose is no longer vibrating! Apparently, your intelligence services are possessing of little intelligence. It has been known fact for very, very, very long time that torture…oops, sorry comrades…”enhanced interrogation” seldom is producing any reliable information.

Was your government believing that the Spanish actually were uncovering vast plots of witchcraft and heresy during the Inquisition?

Was your government also believing your Republican Presidential candidate John McCain was lying when he described giving false information [Here]?

I am LOLling! Your government must have been believing this for them to rely on such information!

Torture is not effective means of obtaining information. But it is effective means of punishing those foolish enough to allow themselves to be captured by your military. Is also useful for instilling terror in citizenry.

Your Constitution is small price to pay for modicum of security, yes?

-Dasvedanya!

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

Suriving Police Encounters: A Liberal Obsession, Apparently

2009-03-30T21:21:00.009-04:00

Comrades,

You Americans are constantly discombobulating me!

You are trusting in your government to prove truthful when it is telling you that it has captured "the worst of the worst" terrorists, even though it is letting them loose. Then that they have returned to the "battlefield." But the "battlefield" consists of speaking in documentaries and writing opinion pieces for newspapers [HERE]?

Or perhaps below:

But that is your military. I am wondering if you are less trustful of law enforcement?

Johnson: Cop walks as child wronged

Juries simply do not convict cops for the things they do on the streets, even when the misconduct is captured on videotape.

I long ago gave up fretting about the rightness or wrongness of this. It just is.

The jurors in this case — and God bless them for their service — I believe felt they were sticking up for law and order in this town when they came back with their verdict. Then, too, maybe they just figured the guy didn't do it.

Here is why I'm going with the former: In Porter's case, two of his fellow officers, at least one junior to him, did that very, very rare thing, something I have never witnessed in all my years covering trials, including a few involving cops:

They testified against — yes, ratted out — their brother officer.

Apparently, you are being trustful of them always, though they are often being found to be misbehaving cruelly or illegally [HERE].

Perhaps you are being supportive of those who are defending your "rights", yes?

I am seeing no, [HERE].

-Dasvedanya!

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

Financial Meltdown Tutorial: Step Three - Misinformation

2009-03-26T19:04:00.014-04:00

Comrades,

I am trusting you have been consuming previous entries in my Tutorial series below:

Tutorial: Step 1 – Hunting of the Snipe
Tutorial: Step 2 – Indoctrination

You have not?! Then how are you being able to finish series?! Back, foul beast!

You may be recalling, when last we were leaving intrepid explorers, comrade Gregorovich was reverberating within 12 dimensions of the m-brane, revealing the non-linear oscillations inherent within…

It was apparent that comrade Gregorovich was keeping his wrath in check, but only barely. I found it prudent to keep my questioning to a minimum, and allow him to more quickly move through the material.

“Friend Konstantinovich, as you can see, these Marxists have seen fit to attack one of this nation’s most beautiful, most heroic, brilliant patriots to ever grace its borders. Look >HERE<:"

Media conservatives baselessly blame Community Reinvestment Act for foreclosure spike

Summary: Several conservatives in the media have recently blamed the Community Reinvestment Act for the current financial crisis -- when, in fact, the CRA does not apply to institutions making the vast majority of troubled loans underlying the crisis. It applies only to depository institutions, such as banks and savings and loan associations. Experts have estimated that 80 percent of high-priced subprime loans were offered by financial institutions that are not subject to the CRA.[...]

“Yes, comrade Gregorovich! I am seeing it! These people are taking comrades out of context, yes?”

“Well…no, friend. If we listen to the audio clips, they match up with the transcripts, I suppose…”

“Ah! Then the links they are posting take us to poorly cited, irresponsible publications that are having no credibility! Is true, comrade?”

“Um…well they’re actually well-respected publications, government numbers even. And it would be pretty hard to fake all that data…I mean it’s all available to the public…and they’re factual, I suppose…”

“I am afraid I am not seeing, comrade.”

Comrade Gregorovich shook his head as though to clear it, and emitted once again his characteristic high-pitched giggle.

“My friend, you shall discover that ‘facts’ are not always pertinent in life. Which brings us to our subject today. See here:”

Committee on Financial Services Testimony:

[...]Pushing further into low-income markets under CRA has not weakened banks’ profitability and soundness. In the small “special programs” that serve as banks’ CRA laboratories, employing new and innovative strategies, most institutions reported low delinquency and charge-off rates. In fact, most institutions surveyed reported a net charge-off rate of zero for these programs.[...]

“As you can see, friend Konstantinovich, it is REAL Americans (to paraphrase your fellow blogger) and not…” again was comrade Gregorovich fighting the urge to vomit, “...Media Matters…ugh, which is in possession of the ‘right’ facts.”

“’Right facts’, comrade? Facts can be wrong?”

“Yes, my friend, they indeed can. I ask you: does Bill O'Reilly provide any proof of his allegations regarding the CRA? Does he mention any literature, or research he may be holding that would back up his position?

No, he does not.

Now, friend, do you see any evidence that…Media Matters...pardon my deep breathing. It is the only way I am refraining from vomiting every time I utter the name. Do you see evidence that THEY have to rebut his argument?”

“Comrade, I am seeing many links that are contradicting comrade O'Reilly's position.

There is the CRA's website >HERE<, which directly contradicts his wordings. They are saying:

Neither the CRA nor its implementing regulation gives specific criteria for rating the performance of depository institutions. Rather, the law indicates that the evaluation process should accommodate an institution's individual circumstances. Nor does the law require institutions to make high-risk loans that jeopardize their safety. To the contrary, the law makes it clear that an institution's CRA activities should be undertaken in a safe and sound manner.

There is quoting from CEO of a Federal Reserve Bank >HERE<:

There has been a tendency to conflate the current problems in the subprime market with CRA-motivated lending, or with lending to low-income families in general. I believe it is very important to make a distinction between the two. Most of the loans made by depository institutions examined under the CRA have not been higher-priced loans,16 and studies have shown that the CRA has increased the volume of responsible lending to low- and moderate-income households.17 We should not view the current foreclosure trends as justification to abandon the goal of expanding access to credit among low-income households, since access to credit, and the subsequent ability to buy a home, remains one of the most important mechanisms we have to help low-income families build wealth over the long term.18

Also is listing of proof by another Federal Reserve Bank >HERE<:

Still, even after the study took into account economic factors like income and property values as well as other nonracial characteristics, the report said a sharp difference remained between the percentage of mortgages in white neighborhoods and the percentage in black neighborhoods.

These are government officials, comrade. Not only that, but many are bankers as well. Does that not bolster their claims?”

Comrade Gregorovich giggled again, performed a back flip, and began juggling lighted hurricane lamps while balancing on one leg, “You are nearing the end of today’s lesson, friend! Quickly, now! Let us now travel to another so-called ‘fact checker’: Wikipedia!

Now here you shall find their entry for the Community Reinvestment Act.

What do you see, friend?”

Community Reinvestment Act
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The Community Reinvestment Act (or CRA, Pub.L. 95-128, title VIII, 91 Stat. 1147, 12 U.S.C. § 2901 et seq.) is a United States federal law designed to encourage commercial banks and savings associations to meet the needs of borrowers in all segments of their communities, including low- and moderate-income neighborhoods.^[1]^[2]^[3] Community activists had lobbied the US Congress to pass the Act in order to reduce discriminatory credit practices against low-income neighborhoods, a practice known as redlining.^[4]
The Act requires the appropriate federal financial supervisory agencies to encourage regulated financial institutions to meet the credit needs of the local communities in which they are chartered, consistent with safe and sound operation. (See full text of Act and current regulations.^[1]) To enforce the statute, federal regulatory agencies examine banking institutions for CRA compliance, and take this information into consideration when approving applications for new bank branches or for mergers or acquisitions.^[5]

“Comrade, I am seeing information that also contradicts what comrade O'Reilly was informing. Additionally, I am seeing citation sources from which Wikipedia gained its knowledge. Is true, yes?

And it too is looking >HERE<, to imply that the CRA is, if not completely blameless, is at most a very minor player in your economic collapse. Yes?”

Comrade Gregorovich was absolutely gleeful at this point, and began simultaneously preening his carapace and dancing a provincial jig, giggling all the while.

“You’re getting warmer, friend Konstantinovich! You’re nearly burning up! Just a little further now!

Now! Follow that link THERE!”

I did as instructed, and was struck dumb by the sheer magnitude of what I had been led to discover.

To be continued…

-Dasvedanya!

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

Financial Meltdown Tutorial: Step Two - Indoctrination

2009-03-24T18:33:00.007-04:00

Comrades,

The dregs of the soup were sufficient to quell your pangs of hunger, yes?

No? Then be going to tell it on mountain, bourgeois swine!

You are remembering I trust the last installment of my tutorial to global economic meltdown >HERE<, yes? If you are saying no, then please be going back to read.

Still you refuse, zombie James Madison?! You are sickening to me! Away to the undead repatriation center, fiend!

Comrade Gregorovich and I drifted for an unknown time amid the blowing breezes, happily recounting our numerous adventures together. From our meetings with the Annual Congress of Chupacabra Wranglers; to our imprisonment within the stifling fungus mines of the Mole People; we have encountered the strange and the minty, but never before have I been so honored as to witness the beauty of the cove of Elvin Princes.

Comrade Gregorovich guided our bubble of laughter to a gentle landing at the doorstep of the Princes’ abode.

“Come along, friend Konstantinovich. The Vizier of the Planet zzyYThMlke has personally sent to me telepathically the knowledge you are to seek. So onward, brave friend! Onward into the abode of the Elvin Princes, cleverly disguised as a large mound of elephant dung! Crawl with me through the hidden entrance, so that your training may begin!”

Comrades, so powerful was the magic of the Princes that I almost felt as though I were tunneling through a mountain of shit! So brilliant was the ruse, that many times my brain was being tricked into forcing me to vomit repeatedly! But my insect spirit guide and I were led to the home’s grand viewing room, where I was to learn the secrets of the universe!

“Friend Konstantinovich, let us start simply,” began my spirit guide. “The economic crisis the world finds itself in has greatly troubled Vizier JimnuUmm ‘lmi XIII, who has found his realty business here on earth floundering on collapse. He is most desirous to rid himself of numerous rental properties, but he cannot do so until YOU, armed with knowledge we are to provide, are able to reverse this great tide of woe.

Friend, are you prepared to face your most feared nightmares, nymphs, and possibly demonically-possessed cabaret dancers?”

“Comrade! With your teaching and pointings, I am prepared even to face off against the magical Sasquatch of the fifth dimension of Irgothr!”

“Very well, friend,” Comrade Gregorovich donned his battle cape and armored yet fashionable top hat. “Then let us begin!

Konstantinovich, please cease the ingestion of your glue stick!

Now there is, in reality, a small party of fiends responsible for the near total collapse of the world’s free market economy. For your primary lesson, perhaps we’ll start with the smaller villains, then work our way up to the one I call, ‘the Humble Yet Not Humble Humbler of Humbling’, or Stanley for short.

Let us cut through some of the – pardon my French – bullshit of the vast left-wing conspiracy of the American mainstream media.”

“Comrade Gregorovich,” I interrupted, “am I not mistaking the memory that a majority of network journalists polled identified themselves as Republican?”

“Ah, friend Konstantinovich; your ignorance is refreshing in its childlike innocence. No, my child; all journalists have been so successfully indoctrinated by their university Bolshevik professors, it is but child’s play to manipulate those fools to answer any question any way they instruct!

No, friend; our first villain today is: the POOR!”

“The ‘poor’ WHAT, comrade?”

“No, friend Konstantinovich. I mean poor people; the poverty-stricken; those of low income; the filthy, disgusting unwashed masses! THEY are among the most worst of the instigators of this crisis!”

“Comrade,” I cried, “I am fearing incomprehension! How could so many proletariats be instigating this crisis without such knowledge being disseminated widely?”

“Ah! But you ARE comprehending , friend Konstantinovich. You are simply not aware yet.” At this, Comrade Gregorovich spun in circles, emitting sparks and wondrous emissions of sulfur-tinged flames.

"Friend, let us explore the technological cesspit your fellow humans refer to as ‘the internet’. There we shall find horror unimaginable by the feeble minds of your species.”

Comrade Gregorovich then emitted a high-pitched yodel, and my laptop was appearing before me magically!

“Friend Konstantinovich, allow me to point you to the third most influential group consisting of the vast left-wing conspiracy smear machine; the vile, evil Communists of…MEDIA MATTERS.ORG!”

At the uttering of the name of this soul-crushing cabal of villainy, Comrade Gregorovich then ripped off one his own legs and began beating himself about his compound eyes!

“AAARRGH! THE LEFTISTS WILL KILL US ALL!! LIBERALS HATE AMERICA!! THEY DETEST EVERYTHING AMERICA STANDS FOR!! AMERICA LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT, COMMIES!! BLARGH LNMIMLJK GMIM!! LMIHNI! SHLLLLLIIIIITHM!!”

“Comrade” I screeched, “please be ceasing your self-flagellation! Why are you dismembering yourself?! The colorful candy hidden within will be flooding from your thorax, yes?!”

Comrage Gregorovich was able to slowly regain self-control. I held my friend while he sobbed for the better part of two hours. Such a strange pair, I am imagining how we looked to outsiders: Comrade Gregorovich, six-centimeters in length and sporting his ubiquitous oversized novelty sunglasses; and myself, in my new pantsuit of molded plaster and tinfoil shoes.

Comrade Gregorovich sniffled and wiped his compound eyes with hanky, “I am sorry, friend. I find myself suffering from righteous indignation more and more often these days, since the ascendancy of Obama as America’s number one homosexual Manchurian Candidate.

Also, I found myself listening to your friends, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck today. And I confess I am at a loss at to why more Americans cannot see what they so clearly demonstrate day after day after day: that liberals and Democrats can NEVER be loyal patriots! They are ALWAYS operating under ulterior motives! They are ALWAYS scheming to destroy what the Founding Fathers erected!

Heed well my words, friend Konstantinovich! It is impossible - IMPOSSIBLE, I say - to be both an American and a liberal!

Remember this always, friend: it is a fallacy that Democrats or liberals are basically decent Americans, and that their opposition to Conservatives arises merely from differences in policy. That is a lie!

Democrats and liberals are TRAITORS to the republic! And though they may escape the just fate of those who engage in treason, they shall not escape the punishment of a just God, who surely will sentence them to an eternity of suffering in hell for their crimes!

Ah, well. Someday, my friend. Someday it will be legal to gut any and all liberals, regardless of sex, race, or marital status, for no other reason than being liberals. Ha! That is something I look upon with relish, friend!

But there is much to see and learn, Konstantinovich. I shan’t allow myself to be overcome similarly again. Come, let us continue.

You see before you the dirty hippies of the modern age. As disgusting and loathsome as these leftist propagandists can be, they are of some use to, shall I say ‘real Americans?’ Now follow along, friend and I’ll show you why.

This ‘MediaMatters’ is a repository of all that these disgusting liberals believe. Follow it, and you find yourself within the hive of this planet’s most hateful, spiteful, evil creatures: LIBERALS!”

At this, Comrade Gregorovich began dry-heaving. So concerning was the violence of his gagging, I came to his side.

He raised a hand to stop me. “Tis not needed, though I thank you, friend. I was anticipating this reaction to such a disgusting subject, thus have not eaten for the last two days. Believe you me, had I ingested even a sip of water, we would have found ourselves immersed in my sick a moment ago!

Egad! I shudder at rage o’er the realization that both liberals and...civil...” again dry-heaving, “civil libertarians are hopeful once again of the future!”

Comrade Gregorovich again beckoned me forward. “Come, my good friend. Now shall you find to what depths of hell liberals will burn for their temerity! Let us delve deeper into the mire that is…MEDIAMATTERS!

To be continued…

-Dasvedanya

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

Financial Meltdown Tutorial: Step One - Hunting of the Snipe

2009-03-18T17:39:00.003-04:00

Comrades,

I am trusting the reuptake of your serotonin is commencing properly, yes?

I am apologizing for the absence of my person for so long from the blogging, but I was in spiritual journeying with Comrade Gregorovich, the friendly cockroach. And as comrade Gregorovich is often fond of saying, “let your dialectic be your guide!”

Such a wag is comrade Gregorovich! LOL!

Ah, I am remembering as though it was last week, so vivid is the memory...

Relying upon helpful clues from comrades within local “Bushville”, I am attempting to be expand knowings of crypto-zoological lore by capturing heretofore unknown species of “snipe”.

As a side note, comrades, I am not finding snipes. But never to fear, I shall not be ending my searches!

Returning to story, late in the evening, I am happening upon large fir tree.

“Comrade Konstantinovich! Come, rest at my side so that we may together unlock the secrets of the Colonel’s Secret Recipe!” uttered said fir tree.

“Comrade fir tree, I am apologizing. But my parole officer is saying I am to be having no contact with your kind!” I replied.

“URGH! I WILL EAT YOUR HAT! NOW WILL YOU FACE THE WRATH OF MY POWERS OF DECONSTRUCTION! RARRRRR!” bellowed the fir tree menacingly.

Comrades, I was fearing for my great white beard now more than ever, when spirit guide Gregorovich apparated from thin air: “Away with you, great fir tree! Your rumblings of rage shall not interfere today with the knowledge I am to bestow upon comrade Konstantinovich! Be gone, I say!” chirped friend Gregorovich.

He then was switching to the beautiful language of the Xhosa, a dialect I am not being familiar with. But it appeared to mollify the great fir, for he looked up and in a flashing of light, transformed into a pillar of Dr. Pepper (or its generic equivalent, Dr. Thunder. I am being afraid I could not distinguish from such distance).

And flowing like river of syrupy goodness was fir tree soaked into ground.

Comrade Gregorovich giggled.

“Konstantinovich, I am here today on behalf of Elthgart the Yelvermen of Spotshitc IV. They have tired of abducting the mentally ill and entrusting them with prophetic messages and warnings. It seems that you humans have some inexplicable aversion to relying on second-hand and third-hand accounts of fantastical stories without some sort of ‘proof’.”

Again, the giggling of Gregorovich.

“Well, friend Modest. The powers-that-be have come to the decision that the time is ripe for a change in strategy. They have decided that a gradual series of truths will suffice to lead your species to a new era. And they have chosen you as their messenger.”

Comrades, I am not hesitating in relaying to you the dancings of joy we performed, as well as much consumings of Gregorovich’s magical mushrooms.

“Come, friend Modest. Let us alight to the home of the dancing Elvin Princes, that the wisdom of the ages might be revealed to you.”

“Comrade Gregorovich” I implored, “might I be so presuming as to be inquiring of what knowledge you are revealing?”

“You may, friend. You may.” He continued, “Tonight, you are privy to knowledge known to few of your fellow earthlings. Tonight, your mind shall reel as it absorbs the sage advice of your planet’s greatest minds. Tonight, you shall join a select group of humans responsible for advancing the evolution of your species thousands of years beyond what it nature alone deems necessary!”

“Comrade,” I interjected, “I am salivating at your grand pronouncing! You are teaching secrets of faster-than-light traveling?! The secrets of eternal living?! Comrade, perhaps even time travel?!”

“No,” replied friend Gregorovich, “Tonight you learn the truths of your civilization’s economic crisis!”

“Oh.” I replied.

Comrade Gregorovich was not pleased at my tone. “Hey, no skin off my carapace, Commie prick! You want to tell a super advanced alien to ‘piss off’, go ahead!”

“COMRADE THE GREEN IS RED IS GREEN AROUND THE OUTSIDE!!”

Gregorovich’s visage softened. “I understand now, friend. I had never before considered such an argument. Truly you are wise in the ways of such things. But let us not be diverted. All will be revealed. Follow me now, as the home of the Elvin Princes has the forests’ greatest wi-fi.”

And so we floated o’er the land, enveloped in a bubble of laughter, speaking of the joys of spring and reveling in the tales of high jinks only true friends can share.

To be continued…

-Dasvedanya!

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

Tody the Terrible

2009-03-11T10:45:00.007-04:00

Greetings governess proviso supporters,

The following is an email I received from one named Tody. He is quite stupid, and naive on a great many matters. Be warned if you read it, his stupidity may be contagious.

Helo Baglee,

I s juz wontin 2 let u no whut i s doin this dayz. I s apponted buy Prez Obaamoa 2 hed Cabunet fr LSD legulazion. Upun reedin farfer u wil see my furst repowt tooo te Prezudent. Enjoy.

Officawl Dawcument:

Teh folwineg iz my repowt on my estenzive LSD resewch. Teh fiwst vidoe is about Mr. Hot Dag man. HOt Dawg man wuld nevew have ben discoved unless said so wuman had not taken LSD. Thanx 2 LSD, many Mr. Hot Dog man's and there famlees have ben spared.

This next videeo s a semulation. Vewy good Pawl.

Thiz next wun is what hapens when my fwiend Pooter and I trip together. He's so silly, he does thiz evwey time.

LSD also makes u melitary fight way betterer, as next expewient cuncludes.

N cunclosion, u can see y LSD is gooderer for r cuntry, n shuld be legulized.
Thanx pal.

PRESIDENTIAL RESPONSE:

Blogging Tutorials: Cut and Paste Pictures

2009-03-09T21:40:00.006-04:00

Comrades,

In furthering the educations of my bloggers, I am corresponding with comrade academician Stuffe von Gaato.

As you might be remembering [HERE], comrade von Gaato is assisting with tutorialing with your "hyperlinks". Today's tutorialing is regarding your copy and pasting of pictures.

Enjoy:

To: Russian shithead
From: Stuffe von Gaato, D.D.S, Ph.D, V.S.M of S.T.D.

ONHM, rgreat~! SO you nefdm more help,h uhu, bpiss ofj! I"m buxcing gogododo form this bump, and no needig you to fukc it u[. ! SHut the gripeeeism!

So you wyant to cuat and past,e, ehuh!?

Your luckyyyyy u cogth me ddrunk on acid,, and hiih on ruum, russian slobmim.

poiss off annd kiss mmiy assdf!

alsom fukcy you uyp the askc, cokm-sucmer!

Comrades, my brain is consuming comrade von Gaato's teachings at much accelerating of pace!

Your brains are no longer erecting "Protocols of Zion" to your psychic readings of auras, yes?

Yes, good comrades! Of course!

I was no longer thinking of consuming last watermelon!

-Dasvedanya!

Blogging Tutorial: Hyperlinks

2009-03-08T21:08:00.008-04:00

Comrades,

To better be assisting my fellow bloggers Prof. Bagley and Beam of Sunshyne, I am asking comrade academician von Gaato for helpings to blog.

For you, nothing is not enough, yes?

To: russian shithead
From: Stuffe von Gaato, Ph.D

Hey Ivan or whatever the fu** your name is,

here it is: enjoy you pathetic a**hat!

Now eat sh** and die, lousy commie basta**!

That academican von Gaato. Always the joshing he is! I am still LOLing!

-Dasvedanya!

P.S. Comrade Prof. Bagley, I am adding greeting to each of your entries. You like, yes? If no, please be telling me. Only logic of such action as I am thinking to prevent readers from mistaking you and I for chupacabra or Wiccan familiars.

Is good, yes?

Why is brown shirt looking reddish-orange in moonlight? Is always orange! LOL! Funny, yes?!

Someone needs a nap

2009-03-08T14:04:00.015-04:00

Hello Douchebags,

Our fearless leader is just working too hard as you can see >Here< .

Somebody just give the man a cigarette already please.

-Prof. Bagley

State Secrets: Who Needs Democracy?

2009-03-07T22:28:00.006-05:00

Comrades,

You are remembering my previous misapprehensions of your President Obama >HERE<, yes?

While I am continuing to mourn the loss of totalitarian rule your President Bush was instituting, your President Obama is making good headway.

Follow >HERE< ,comrades!

I am thanking Comrade Knuckles for his gentle ministrations.

-Dasvedanya!

Media Matters buffoons

2009-03-06T11:55:00.012-05:00

Hello Douchebags,

George Soros. What a jackass.

In this video he compares George W. Bush to the Nazis, and the Communists. He also doesn't like the phrase "War On Terror". I suppose when you get right down to it, he considers terrorism just a crime. Appeasement is his policy. Yes we see how well that worked with Iran in the 70s, and al Qaeda in the 90s.

Now to the O'Reilly report on Soros in 2007:

This does reveal a vast network of crazy leftist groups. I find it quite ironic that Media Matters attacks Ann Coulter for calling Soros a Nazi collaborator, when Soros compares Bush to Nazis. Nice double standard.

With all the funding these guys get from Soros, they still want your donations.

Now to another topic. >Here< is an article from Media Matters regarding earmark reform from Obama.

Now here's a video from Jan. 6, 2009. This is what everyone is referring to.

Uh-oh Media Matters. BUSTED!

-Prof. Bagley

Origins

2009-03-05T13:03:00.005-05:00

"Sixteen in the clip and one in the hole,

Andrew J is about to make some bodies turn cold,

Now they droppin' and yellin' it's a tad bit late,

Andrew J and Prof. B had to regulate"

We were the OG's of our hood. We ran that place until AJ decided to pursue other endeavors. As AJ stated during the apex of our operation:"The capacious nature of our irreproachable crusade will never intimeately be dictated as angelic." So off into the sunset he rode. He would not be found until the infamous Blorific blog of blogging appeared on the radar.

I took a much different path. I ran into my old friend, Prof. Von Gaato, at a strip club in beautiful Prague. I spotted him sitting at the bar. He was surrounded by smoke from his cigar. He appeared to be rather inebriated, which was nothing out of the ordinary.
"Stuffe!", I shouted.
"Bagley, you old dog. How are ya?"
After much consumption of alcohol, Stuffe decided it would be smashing to "cause some trouble". I was quite wary of this, as Stuffe had been imprisoned on numerous occasions for his outlandish behavior, all while drunk I might add. But I thought why not. In case many have not observed before, making sound judgment and drinking alcohol do not mix. So off we went to see the bright lights of Prague. However we did not get two steps out the door before the stench of vomit, vodka, and soured cheese hit our nostrils. Our acute sense of smell immediately turned to our left where we saw a rather unkempt individual leaning with one hand against the wall vomiting superflously. The man turned to us and we noticed a rip van winkle beard covered in ruminate.
"Hello comrades! I am Modest (unintelligeble). You have appearance of Capitalist dogs! You pay for transgressions against Gorbachev!". He swung with his right hand a broken bottle of Vodka. Before he even got close to us, Stuffe had a dagger against his throat.
"Make my day!"
We then proceeded to beat him for 10 minutes straight. However he kept getting up. This earned much respect from us.
"You fight pretty good...for a Commie".
To kind of wrap up the story, we invited him with us to a coffee klatch.
The next few hours are a complete blur to me. I awoke the next day in South America. Stuffe called me from Bahrain. Modest was not heard from again until his massive drug bust a month later. He was "stewed on shrooms", as he explained. What a crazy guy.

The next few months involved me sobering up. The only time I dabble with alcohol is on meetings with Stuffe. What a crazy corpreal he is.

-Prof. Bagley

Communism: So Close, Yet So Far!

2009-03-04T20:05:00.007-05:00

Comrades,

I am continuing in my mourn that your George W. Bush no longer runs your country!

To think: he had in his employ one of your country’s greatest advocates for a totalitarian regime, your John Yoo!

Comrades, I am once again weeping as I regard how closely we came to a Communist America! I am fantasizing now of a country in which your government controls the press (ah, how I am missing the good days of Pravda); in which military has leading role in national law enforcement (your “rule of law” is such a bourgeois conceit); in which your President has the authority to strip Americans of citizenship; imprison them indefinitely; and torture even to death!

Comrades, I am woeing that your President Bush did not get to finish his goal of turning Executive Branch into autocratic, unquestioned dictatorship!

Yes, comrades; your John Yoo is best friend Soviets have in America. For to think: if you are arguing that Executive Branch can effectively repeal First and Fourth Amendments to your Constitution, how much harder is it to overturn ALL of Bill of Rights?

Your John Yoo is assuredly a multifaceted individual. How else to explain how man in career dedicated to “rule of law” so quickly turns around to wipe arse with Constitution he has studied for so long?

LOL! Comrades, I am thinking how quickly your Founding Fathers are spinning in graves!

Were not your Framers from early in your history lamenting that their British overlords were seizing property without recompense? Or that Britishers were stamping out dissent by quieting any and all opposition?

I am LOLing harder, comrades, remembering that your country even went to war in protest of unconstitutional seizure of its citizens. Comrades, your country was even executing peoples for doing to you, what your President Bush did to others! LOL! I am having fittings of laughter, comrades!

And of course the most laughingest part of all, your government’s lame attempt to “retract” memos in final days of Bush presidency! Such were the views of your government for SEVEN YEARS!

Comrades, I must be stopping! My belly is aching from rumbling laughter over your country’s hypocrisy! “Oh no, terrorists! Your attackings to destroy our liberties strengthens our resolve…to destroy liberties OURSELVES!” LOL! Comrades, I am tearing from laughter!

Ah well. At least your current President Obama is making SOME solid authoritarian decisions. He is continuing some of your Bush administration’s practice of denying transparency in government.

He is having MUCH to catch up, however: your President Bush was most secretive administration EVER, with record number of “State Secret” arguments shutting down legitimate investigations.

But your President Obama is making good start.

-Dasvedanya!

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

Edit 03/05/2009: Comrades! Now your Legislative Branch is reasserting its position as "check" to Executive power HERE!

My heart is breaking!

Joe the Plumber Flings Feces at Enemy That Exists Only Within His Brain

2009-03-03T20:34:00.005-05:00

Comrades,

When is it being kosher to be allowing gorillas out of cages?!

Your “Joe the Plumber” is escaping from local zoo, likely by flinging feces at its keepers. How else to be explaining how it is able to grunt in grotesque mimicry of human language:

Ah! Is “Joe” actual human being?! But is making LESS sense that way!

I could be excusing talking gorilla in misconstruing grammar school American history, but a human adult? Discombobulating is commencing again!

Would you, good comrades, please be so kind as linking me with examples of politicians today deriding American troops? Or perhapsing examples from days past of police organizations ruling homicide justifiable as result of American troop derision?

Comrades, would you be linking me to modern day examples of overturning of your First Amendment rights? “Joe” is appearing to advocate the repeal of a number of your Constitutional rights by appealing to a history of which I am unaware.

Comrades, is Joe the Plumber visiting us from an alternate universe?!

Now is everything CLEAR as your bells!

Joe is traveling to our dimension from one in which your country is ruled by fascist dictatorship; where your Constitution no longer reigns supreme; where your Bill of Rights is something to be circumvented, not obeyed.

Joe the Plumber is from a universe which sees Rush Limbaugh as Constitutional authority!

Such strangeness I am not contemplating as possible in THIS reality.

-Dasvedanya!

Science and American Media: Illiteracy Run Amok

2009-03-02T21:01:00.011-05:00

Comrades,

I am being in awe once again of your country’s fascist media apparatchik.

I am knowing for a long time that your sports newscasters are little more than well-trained baboons, but I was being ignorant of fact that many of your REGULAR newscasters are, additionally!

I am hearing recently of a university study in which excessive play with the Sony PlayStation 3 is resulting in painful new condition called playstation palmar hidradenitis. Symptoms including lesions on palm!!

THE HORROR!!

Such important, world-altering study was soon picked up by your country’s national propaganda centers:

Is truly a crisis of unprecedented proportions, yes?! Yes, comrade; life on planet may be doomed!

So dire is this threatening to health, that local affiliates everywhere are reporting on this trend. Inexplicably, they too use same video.

I am thinking at this moment how horrible are the capitalist pigs with Sony Corp. who are exploiting the children of the proletariat for their own nefarious purposes!

Then I am hearing and reading that hysteria is not well-founded because study was being based on ONE participant!

ONE participant, comrades???

Is no one reading HERE?! Or HERE?!

Is no one reading ANYTHING?!

Surely your capitalist media conglomerates would not be misleading populace?!

Or are American media apparatchik so filled with fools that they are being unaware that concept of “sample size” is important to scientific studies?

Comrades, is there no employing of knowledge of the SIMPLEST principles of scientific method to your media reporting?

Are Americans so stupid, so bereft of critical thinking that they are accepting such poorly drawn conclusions as proof of epidemic?!

The Soviet Union lost the Cold War to YOU?!

Comrades, my thinking of superiority of Communism has been taking great hit.

How did such simpletons as run your news services rise to such positions? (your Fox News is immune to my criticisms. It is being very nice of them to be employing the mentally handicapped)

Are your news corporations now employing the mentally-handicapped as SCIENCE REPORTERS also?!

Yes, comrades! That must be it!

Following your victory over Soviet Union, your media conglomerates have been employing the retarded as means to gainful employment, yes?

In the names of your deities, please be letting that be truth!

-Dasvedanya!

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

So what is your policy on Iraq?

2009-03-01T09:59:00.008-05:00

Greetings Boozehounds,

I stumbled upon this video that sums it all up in about 8 minutes. Play close attention at the 6:50 mark. He states there will be no strike force left in Iraq. Yet last week he announced plans to leave a strike force, which angered Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid.

Now this older interview with Bill O'Reilly. Starting at about the 4:10 mark he argues that he did not say the surge would fail.

Yet when the surge was first proposed this was his position:

This addlebrain continues to wear the crown of a charlatan whilst giving the appearance of luminosity.

-Prof. Bagley

President Obama: Communist? Nazi? Anti-Christ? Maybe All 3?

2009-02-28T19:42:00.008-05:00

Comrades,

I am continuing to find my spirits lifted upwards to the sky limits!

You are remembering my hoping for a Soviet America, yes? If you are answering “no”, why for are reading? Madness, comrades! True madness!

But regardlessly, my hopes are continuing:

My hopes are continuing not for the efforts of brain-damaged Keyes, comrades, but that your President is Communist! Huzzah!

Why has no one been telling Konstantinovich of such glad tidings?!

Comrades, I am now only hoping that a considerate passerby is placing in my box provings of such accusations! There must be existing many reliable sources for such an esteemed individual as Mr. Keyes to espouse such believings, yes?

Ah! Perhaps this fellow HERE will be clearing up matters:

Watch more YouTube videos on AOL Video

Comrades, I am discombobulating! Is your President Obama the anti-Christ or a Communist?!

Ah! He is neither! As is evidenced HERE:

I am having my hopes dashed!

Regardlessly, I am giving much thanks to human abomination Ann Coulter, as well as young retarded child Sean Hannity!

How would your country be surviving if not for Fox News?!

-Dasvedanya!

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

Prophecy: Dire Times Indeed, Comrades

2009-02-25T21:16:00.010-05:00

Comrades,

Today is finding you in the highest of spirits, da?

You are not needing to answer, comrades! I am reading your minds ever as you are reading my words!

I am seeing some are answering “YES”, others are answering “NO”. I am also seeing that some of you are undead, which is not polite! I will be asking you to be stopping your undead shenaniganisms!

You see! I am being right! “How is comrade Konstantinovich knowing my thoughts?!” you are asking, yes? Is not necessary for you to be piercing brain with bottle opener, friend llama! I will answer: I am being psychical!

You are seeing now, yes? No?

No more reading for you, undead James Madison! I am no longer cleaning your decapitatings of garden gnomes and taxi drivers! They are wronging you no more since the 1877 Treaty of Moises Rabinowitz’s Garden Party! Enough I am saying!

Many days ago, I am seeing in the future a broadcast of right wing talk radio NPR, which was not ACTUALLY airing until this week!

You are wishing for context, yes? Friends, I am all too pleased to be accommodating you:
YOU SEE, NOW?? YES, COMRADES! THAT IS CORRECT!!

Your contextualizing begins anew HERE and HERE, yes????

Accordingly, I am asking my Canadian goose spirit guide, Bending Ralph Fenster, last Wednesday for audience with my comrades on the Planet 9Yuhgligigzh10, in the city of +_8+&.

And I am being rewarded by telepathically communicating with planetary governor, Earth Wind and Fire! (his real name is being incomprehensible to humans, and liable to be driving them insane. So he is asking me to be calling him after his favorite earth music group)

And here is his sayings:

Konstantinovich, your smelling appendage is no longer afforded its rich heritage of Rose Petals!
The United States shall undergo a shift to the blue end of the spectrum!
An elderly woman from Istanbul shall devour the Declaration of Independence in one bite. Fortunately, historical archivists shall recover it from amongst her scat. Inexplicably, it shall be found to be re-written in the language of the North American flying squirrel.

Yes, comrades! You are thinking correctly if you are wishing for further readings of your mind’s bellies!

All I am asking is for a small donation!

-Dasvedanya!

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

Hopes for Soviet America: REVIVE

2009-02-10T19:25:00.004-05:00

Comrades,

Today is finding you in tall spirits, yes?

Myself, my emotions are being conflicted, not unlike a person on amusement park ride which features harrowing twists, turns, as well as those of directions of up and down!

First, I am being happy. After walking downtown to acquire magical green emeralds for to fool chupacabra into revealing his pot of capitalist produced gold, I am seeing this, the cover of your "Newsweek" rag:

“Huzzah!” I am thinking! “At last American imperialist pig-dogs are falling to the proletariat!”

I even was going so far as to ring up my old Politburo comrades from the hobo camp on my watch-phoneothon, the better to position them for a coup!

But then I am remembering that watch-phoneothon is in reality a muffified rat, and that I stabbed old comrades long ago over can of Boyardee Ravioli. And comrades, Boyardee is never better than when pried from cold hands of rivals!

But so excited was I being, that news had to be spread. So I emailed academician Stuffe von Gaato, and true to form, he was responding succinctly: “f**k off, b**ch!”. Then he was providing article below, via Sadly, No!:

An Open Letter To American Journalism

Posted at 19:46 by Jillian

Dear American Journalism,

We need to talk.

Please don’t think this comes from someone who doesn’t really care about you. This relationship hasn’t been just a flash in the pan thing, you know. I’ve given over thirty years of my life to what we have going. Seriously — I used to watch the news with my folks when I was a little girl. I remember having a little-girl crush on Chuck Scarborough when I was about six. And I’m not talking about quitting on you now, either. You might want to think of this as — an intervention of sorts.

Would you mind telling me what the hell this is?*

I think it’s time you admitted the truth about something shameful you’ve kept secret for far too long: You got your high school diploma from one of those diploma mills. Don’t bother trying to deny it; we all know. And you didn’t even make the halfhearted effort to get through the civics portion of the “diploma,” did you? You just randomly bubbled in answers on the multiple choice “final exam” civics test and squeaked through. And it’s time you ‘fessed up to the real reason you did this — a real reason we all know already as well.

You can’t read.

It’s not like it’s a secret. That stack of books you keep by your bed? Nobody thinks for a second you’re actually reading any of them. In fact, there’s a bet going on between some of us as to whether you’re using that stack of books to hide your porn stash or your weed stash. Don’t worry; I’m not in on that. I think better of you than that. Still, it should bother you to know that not everyone does.

But this last bit, this magazine “article” (using that term quite loosely here) — well, it’s just the last straw in embarrassment. Because everyone else in the world who isn’t functionally illiterate (like you are) already knows what “Socialism” means. And it’s not some sort of innate knowledge, some magical genetically coded information they were born with. They know what “socialism” means because they can read. And you can’t. It’s just that simple. See, when the rest of the world wants clarification on the definition of “socialism,” they turn to any one of a myriad of (unfortunately for you, written) sources to get a definition. And they find thingslike this:

Socialism refers to a broad set of economic theories of social organization advocating state or collective ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods, and a society characterized by equal opportunities for all individuals with a fair or egalitarian method of compensation.

Or this:

socialism: Any of various political philosophies that support social and economic equality, collective decision-making, and public control of productive capital and natural resources, as advocated by socialists.

Or this:

Socialism: The view that the government should own and control major industries using the dollars earned to provide benefits to citizens.

That last one is especially embarrassing for you, American journalism. It comes from a website created especially for journalists to use to help them in understanding complex concepts and terms. There’s no need to act surprised - we all know the reason you didn’t consult that website before writing this article is that (once again) you can’t read.

Do me a favor — go find someone to read this letter to you. It’s okay; no need to be embarrassed. We’re past all that now. I’ll wait.

Are we good? Wonderful — because it’s important to me that you understand this next part.

You see, nothing that Barack Obama - or, indeed, any Democrat - has proposed in response to our current economic crisis is in any way, shape, or form even the slightest bit “socialist”. “Socialism” is a word that actually means something. I know this is hard for you to understand, mostly because the gaps in your education caused by your total functional illiteracy have led you to believe that “socialism” is some sort of diabolical swear word that means something like “baby-raping” or “kitten-eating”. But have your friend who’s reading this letter to you read those definitions I gave you above, and take a minute to actually think about them.

Now, I’m sure some of the terms within those defintions will be confusing to you, so let’s take a moment to break some of them down to your level. I promise I’ll use lots of analogies to Paris Hilton and professional wrestling. Don’t be scared! We’ll get through this together.

“Means of production” is a term that refers to the actual productive industries in a society that make things which people buy. McDonald’s is an example of one of these productive industries; they make hamburgers. Now, there has been some talk about the government nationalizing the banking industry. But, American journalism, what I want you to understand is that “banking” - according to socialists - is not a productive industry. Banks don’t produce things - they don’t produce physical things that you can buy like you can buy a McDonald’s hamburger. Now, it’s not that socialists don’t have a lot to say about the nature of finance as an industry, but we’re not going to go there now - there’s a lot of big, scary, hard to understand words involved in the concept, and we’re going to start small. Just trust me that even if our government does completely take over the financial sector of our economy, that’s still about as far from “socialism” as you can be. When the government starts talking about turning the burger flipper at your local burger joint into a state employee, I’ll be right there with you calling it a “socialist takeover”, but until then - not so much.

“Egalitarian” is another one of those big, scary words. But don’t be afraid - it just means “equal”. So, when Barack Obama proposed to cap income at financial industries receiving government TARP funds at a half million, he wasn’t making an egalitarian proposal. I don’t know if you are aware of this or not, but very, very few Americans make anything even close to a half million a year. So don’t worry - there’s nothing even vaguely egalitarian about this proposal.

Just to help you out, here’s a friendly little checklist you can use to see if an incoming POTUS might secretly be a socialist. Does he/she

Call for the immediate incarceration/execution of all hedge fund managers because they are “enemies of the people”?
Demand that all CEOs be fired so that all companies can be run by democratically elected employee representatives from each sector of a company’s business (bonus points if he calls those representative councils “Soviets”)?
Tell all stockholders that henceforth, unless they actually work for the company they own stock in, all dividends they earn on their stock will be taxed at a 100% tax rate?
Arrest all wealthy Americans who attempt to move their assets to accounts in other countries?
Put those arrested Americans on trial in an overly public venue designed to make them look really, really bad?
Grow a big, bushy black mustache?
Have an inordinate fondness for brass band marches?

If you answer a significant number of these questions with a “yes,” then chances are your newly elected president is secretly a socialist. If not, then you are probably confused (yet again) about what the world “socialist” actually means.

Now, my friend, you’ve got a birthday coming up. This year, I want you to be able to celebrate your birthday with pride, so I’ve gotten you an early birthday present. It’s a gift certificate for your local Sylvan learning center. Do the whole rest of the world a favor and use it now. Learn to read. Then when you come back actually able to process basic written information, we’ll have a conversation about your total lack of contextual knowledge about the world around you. One step at a time, baby.

Remember - this comes from a place of love, not a place of judgment.

Be well.

Your friend,
Jillian

Ah! Such sadness now I am feeling! Why has providence so belittled my efforts at cross stitching?! WHY?

But all was not lost, comrades!

Today I am finding this HERE from fascist sympathizers of WorldNetDaily, via Right Wing Watch:

"Yes, it is true. This is not some idle talk. He is already born, and he is educated and being groomed to be president right now. You will be impressed to know that he has gone to the best schools of presidents. He is what you call 'Ivy League.' You don't believe me, but he is real and I even know his name. His name is Barack. His mother is white and American and his father is black from Africa. That's right, a chocolate baby! And he's going to be your president."

She became more and more smug as she presented her stream of detailed knowledge and predictions so matter-of-factly – as though all were foregone conclusions. "It's all been thought out. His father is not an American black, so he won't have that social slave stigma. He is intelligent and he is half white and has been raised from the cradle to be an atheist and a Communist. He's gone to the finest schools. He is being guided every step of the way and he will be irresistible to America."

...

She was full of little details about him that she was eager to relate. I thought that maybe she was trying to show off that this truly was a real person and not just hot air.

She rattled off a complete litany. He was from Hawaii. He went to school in California. He lived in Chicago. He was soon to be elected to the Legislature. "Have no doubt: he is one of us, a Soviet."

...

She continued with something to the effect that America was at the same time the great hope and the great obstacle for Communism. America would have to be converted to Communism, and Barack was going to pave the way.

Comrades, I am flabbergasting! Once again I am finding my hopes aspiring forwards and high!

And I am finding no reason to be doubting my newest friend, lesbian Janet Porter! She is taking a third-hand account of an undocumented encounter 15 years in the past with evidence provided by a faceless internet pseudonym.

What is not to trust?

And need I remind you, comrades, that we are not speaking of a backwater, provincial newspaper like “the New York Times” or the “Washington Post”; we are referring to internet superpower, WorldNetDaily!

How could a news source that would employ such a learned, erudite man as Jerome Corsi ever be wrong?!

-Dasvedanya

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

You Americans & Your Antiquated Ideals! I am LOLing!

2009-01-23T20:55:00.009-05:00

Comrades,

I am trusting that you adjust to the dangers of life under your new President, yes?

Very little I am saying today, for I have been saying it many times already. But even still am I becoming confused at your country’s obsession with “rights” and “laws”.

Your fascist propagandist Bill O’Reilly continues to impress me. One day he is droning on about the importance of your “Founding Fathers” and their quaint notions of “liberty”, and the next he is advocating their repeal (@ 4:12):

Is the possessing of advanced syphilitic brain disease a perquisite for hosting a Fox News program? If so, I am ready, comrades!

To be continuing, I am also often confounded by your Supreme Court’s obsessing over “due process” and “search and seizure” cases. I am sure comrades Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, or even mentally-defect Glenn Beck would be agreeing with me that the State MUST be possessing of a strong, unquestioned police presence!

How else are you going to be apprehending and punishing criminals? Civilian courts?! Comrades, you are making me LOL much!

Setting Up the Vice Cops
Category:
Posted on: December 10, 2008 9:09 AM, by Ed Brayton
Balko caught this story and I think it's great. The page he links to got taken down due to high traffic, but here's what it said. This was done by a former cop:
KopBusters rented a house in Odessa, Texas and began growing two small Christmas trees under a grow light similar to those used for growing marijuana. When faced with a suspected marijuana grow, the police usually use illegal FLIR cameras and/or lie on the search warrant affidavit claiming they have probable cause to raid the house. Instead of conducting a proper investigation which usually leads to no probable cause, the Kops lie on the affidavit claiming a confidential informant saw the plants and/or the police could smell marijuana coming from the suspected house.
The trap was set and less than 24 hours later, the Odessa narcotics unit raided the house only to find KopBuster's attorney waiting under a system of complex gadgetry and spy cameras that streamed online to the KopBuster's secret mobile office nearby.

Here's video of the cops busting into the house and finding nothing but two Christmas trees and cameras taping them:

Why does this matter? Because there can't possibly be any probable cause for getting a warrant to go into this house without one of two things being true: either the police were illegally using thermal sensors to see inside the house or they had a "confidential informant" lie on a warrant request. Balko explains:
To clarify just a bit, according to Cooper, there was nothing illegal going on the bait house, just two evergreen trees and some grow lamps. There was no probable cause. So a couple of questions come up. First, how did the cops get turned on to the house in the first place? Cooper suspects they were using thermal imaging equipment to detect the grow lamps, a practice the Supreme Court has said is illegal. The second question is, what probable cause did the police put on the affidavit to get a judge to sign off on a search warrant? If there was nothing illegal going on in the house, it's difficult to conceive of a scenario where either the police or one of their informants didn't lie to get a warrant.
Apparently, this guy's attorneys have requested a copy of the affidavit filed by the police to secure the warrant and the police can withhold it from them for 60 days. The media is now also asking for a copy of that report. What all of this is going to reveal, almost certainly, is the rank corruption and lawlessness in police vice squads.
The Supreme Court said that using thermal imaging equipment to look inside a house without a warrant was a 4th amendment violation in Kyllo v United States in 2001. It was one of the most interesting lineups I've ever seen in a case. The majority was Scalia, Souter, Thomas, Ginsburg and Breyer; the minority was Rehnquist, O'Connor, Stevens and Kennedy. A very unusual lineup. But the result was clearly correct.

I am hoping you will be forgiving if I once again mourn that your President Bush is no longer in office.

With your President Obama, I am fearing that “Constitution” is once again something to be admired.

I am vomiting in mouth.

-Dasvedanya

Cross posted @ President Andrew Jackson's Blogorific Blog of Blogging

You Cannot Go Home Again. Thanks Tonnes, Obama!

2009-01-22T19:24:00.006-05:00

Comrades,

The remarkable institution of Communism Lite that President George W. Bush created continues to have its foundation undermined by your President Obama. (as President, George W. Bush was quickly establishing your CIA, military, and executive branches to mirror that of the Soviet Union’s triumvirate of KGB, Red Army, and politburo)

Though it was being expected, still I am finding myself disappointed that he has announced the impending closing of your Guantanamo Bay gulag.

Ah well. With Communism sliding away from your executive branch, perhaps your CIA or NSA shall retain a tight grip upon the throat of you Americans, yes?:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Chyort voz'mi! Perhot' podzalupnaya! Tebe Pizd'ets!

Why are you progressives so distrustful of government?? The government exists not just to perpetuate itself, but to protect its interests. And sometimes, maybe protect even you.

Former President Bush was understanding this! He was knowing the State is inerrable! It is NEVER wrong! It is existing to protect you citizens from all that is dangerous…and knowledge is sometimes dangerous, yes?

He was protecting you citizens from painful knowledge of what mistakes government was making.

Is not protection from uncertainties worth the giving up of a few “civil liberties”?

What good is your “freedom of privacy”? If you are not being guilty, you should not be worrying that the State is listening in on your conversing.

And your “right” from “cruel and unusual punishment”: in KGB, we were understanding that fear of cruel and unusual punishment was often an effective deterrent to dissent. Obviously, your former President Bush and Vice President Cheney were comprehending this as well.

It is not important whether prisoners are “guilty” or “innocent”; such antiquated concept as “innocent until proven guilty” is dangerous in this, our dangerous new world, yes?

Better it is to be presuming EVERYONE is guilty of something. Torture therefore is just an expedient method to “facilitate” the truth.

Which also brings us to your “right” to a “fair trial”.

Comrades, why are you still finding this so necessary?

Your Constitution was written before such frightening concepts as “terrorism” and “terrorists” and other “terror”-related terms were coming into existence. Is it not standing to reason that many of the “freedoms” your quaint “contract” should be quietly and secretly amended ?

Former President Bush was also understanding of this. So understanding was he, and so dismayed at reluctance of American public to concept of torture, he was being forced to outsource it, in the form of “rendition”.

Fortunately, America was not only nation to see the advantages of rendition. So effective has it been proving, that even my old comrades in the KGB have restarted the hobby:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Well, your new President unfortunately is seeing to it the “Rule of Law” return to your country. He is promising a return of fairness to trials; the presenting of evidence, even!

Nichevo, comrades.

Perhaps someday another Communist-like President will return to power, and my new home shall be looking like my old.

Perhaps someone like your Bill O’Reilly?

-Dasvedanya

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

Reap the Fruits of Your Torture, Friend Bush!

2009-01-22T19:21:00.001-05:00

Comrades,

As I am writing this, I see that Barack Obama will soon be President-elect no longer, but will formally move into your House of White as leader of free world. As I have been writing before, I am greatly a saddened that socialism is losing its close friend, President George W. Bush.

I have never felt so close to my native Soviet Russia than during the last eight years of Comrade Bush’s chairmanship of the Republican politburo. His nationalization of corporate interests; rewardings of government posts to political cronies; his purging of competents from government office over petty ideological concerns; even his collusion with Fox News in advancing state interests; all this was reminiscent of the days when Pravda was not a tabloid rag.

Incompetence, corruption, and rampant cronyism; stifling of dissent, appeals to xenophobia and ignorance of science; disregard of international treaties and basic human rights, but best of all: the shredding of your Constitution!

Never closer to Communism have I seen America.

Fare thee well, Comrade Bush! Fare thee well!

This is raising in my brain however the question of just why your elected officials should risk lifelong imprisonment, or even execution, by engaging in practices which they knew could never remain secret (unlike the Soviet Union, where we in KGB were given much leeway, not unlike your NSA was acquiring)!

But then I was finding the following internets article, courtesy the progressives of Media Matters for America:

Fox & Friends hosts, Beck cite fictional congressional testimony by 24's "Jack Bauer" in defense of torture

Summary: Fox & Friends' Brian Kilmeade falsely suggested that only "people at the U.N." want to close Guantánamo, while co-hosts Steve Doocy and Gretchen Carlson, as well as Glenn Beck, used TV drama 24 as a justification for the use of torture. In fact, Sen. John McCain, Defense Secretary Robert Gates, and five former secretaries of state are among those who have said that Guantánamo should be closed.
During the January 13 edition of Fox News' Fox & Friends, co-host Brian Kilmeade falsely suggested that only "people at the U.N. [United Nations]" want to close the U.S. military-run detention facility at Guantánamo Bay. Discussing torture in Fox Broadcasting Co.'s TV drama 24, Kilmeade asked Fox News' Glenn Beck: "Do you think anybody talks about Gitmo except these people at the U.N., who think it's the worst thing that's ever happened?" While Kilmeade was speaking, Beck answered, "No." In fact, Sen. John McCain, Defense Secretary Robert Gates, and former Secretaries of State Henry Kissinger, James Baker, Warren Christopher, Madeleine Albright, and Colin Powell are among those who have said that Guantánamo should be closed.
Beck and the Fox & Friends hosts also invoked 24 as a justification for the use of torture. Referring to the show's recent season premiere, in which protagonist Jack Bauer, a former member of the fictional "Counter Terrorist Unit," defends his use of torture during a hearing before Congress, Beck said: "[I]t's going to take somebody who sits in front of Congress who is not afraid of them anymore and does what Jack Bauer did. And that is, 'Yes, I did torture, and I'm proud of it.' And it's time for these things to come out of the closet." Introducing an excerpt from 24, in which Bauer is seen answering questions from a congressional committee about torture, Kilmeade stated: "Let's listen to what happened in the fictional series 24 and see if this helps build your argument."
After the clip, co-host Steve Doocy said: "In particular, in that clip, you know, the guy [fictional Sen. Blaine Mayer] goes, 'You tortured them.' And he [Bauer] goes, 'Well, it probably was torture under your definition. But ask the people whose lives I saved whether or not it was worth me going over the edge' -- they would probably -- you ask the average person, 'Is it OK to do something, rough somebody up, to save lives?' You ask the person on the street, they'd say, 'Yeah, why not?' "
During the segment, on-screen text read: "What Americans Need to Hear; Beck Applauds Jack Bauer's Honesty":
Media Matters for America has noted that conservatives -- including Beck -- frequently look to 24 as a justification for hawkish policies such as torture.
While Kilmeade suggested that only "people at the U.N." think the United States should close the detention facility at Guantánamo, prominent Republicans and current and former Cabinet members have said the facility should be closed.
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported in a March 27, 2008, article:
Five former U.S. secretaries of State said Thursday the next president should move quickly to close the military prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
That single act would improve America's dismal reputation in the world immediately, agreed Henry Kissinger, James Baker, Warren Christopher, Madeleine Albright and Colin Powell.
The five former secretaries, who served under Presidents Nixon, Ford, George H.W. Bush, Clinton and George W. Bush, were at the University of Georgia for a roundtable discussion billed as "The 16th Report of the Secretaries of State," which offered "bipartisan advice to the next administration." Kissinger, Baker and Powell all served Republican presidents. Albright and Christopher served Clinton, a Democrat.
During a September 20, 2008, CNN event with the former secretaries of state, co-host Frank Sesno asked what are "some tangible things that the next administration, the next president can do to change policy or send a signal that will address these issues [of international respect]." Baker replied: "Close Guantanamo. We were on a panel together several months ago, and we all agreed, one of the best things that could happen would be to close Guantanamo, which is a very serious blot upon our reputation."
During the December 17, 2008, edition of PBS' Charlie Rose, Gates -- who will hold the same office in the Obama administration -- said of Guantánamo: "I would like to see it closed. And I think it will be a high priority for the new administration."
McCain, the 2008 Republican presidential nominee, said in a March 2008 speech: "I believe we should close Guantanamo and work with our allies ... to forge a new international understanding on the disposition of dangerous detainees under our control."
From the January 13 edition of Fox News' Fox & Friends:
.

I must be admitting to some degree of surprise: is it true that right-wing pundits and the – possibly brain-damaged – radio comedian Glenn Beck have accepted as evidence of torture’s efficacy the ramblings of a television drama?

I am LOLing even now, Comrades!

Surely those watching this Fox News propaganda program are hesitating to accept practices that violate your oh-so-important Constitution on the basis of sub-par writing and overwrought acting, yes? But then again…

On Morning Joe, Buchanan did not acknowledge Bush official's reason for saying U.S. military tortured detainee

Summary: On MSNBC's Morning Joe, discussing aWashington Post article reporting Bush administration official Susan Crawford's conclusion that Guantánamo detainee Mohammed al-Qahtani was tortured, Pat Buchanan suggested that specific techniques used on Qahtani were not torture, ignoring the reason Crawford gave for reaching her conclusion. As Mika Brzezinski noted, Crawford said her conclusion that Qahtani was tortured was based not on "any one particular act," but on "a combination of things" Crawford called "abusive," "uncalled for," and "coercive."
Discussing a January 14 Washington Post article reporting that "[t]he top Bush administration official in charge of deciding whether to bring Guantanamo Bay detainees to trial has concluded that the U.S. military tortured a Saudi national who allegedly planned to participate in the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks," MSNBC's Pat Buchanan ignored the reason the official, Susan J. Crawford, gave for reaching that conclusion. As co-host Mika Brzezinski noted, according to the Post, Crawford said her conclusion that Mohammed al-Qahtani, the detainee, was tortured was based not on "any one particular act," but on "a combination of things that had a medical impact on him, that hurt his health," which Crawford said were "abusive," "uncalled for," and "coercive." Rather than address Crawford's rationale for saying Qahtani was tortured, Buchanan discussed only whether each specific technique reportedly used on Qahtani was torture, suggesting that they were not.
On Morning Joe, Buchanan stated: "[Y]ou don't have waterboarding in there. And so they've got other things that are now identified as torture. I mean, prolonged isolation. I mean, we've heard growing up, what is solitary confinement? It's punishment for prisoners." When Brzezinski started to say, "Sleep deprivation, nudity, and prolonged exposure to cold --" Buchanan interjected: "But they do that in every prison show you've ever seen." Buchanan later asked: "Is sleep deprivation torture?" He continued: "It's never been considered that before. Waterboarding is an open question. Isolation, is that torture?" Later in the show, guest host Mike Barnicle appeared to read an email he said he had received from Morning Joe host Joe Scarborough, which, according to Barnicle, read: "Sleep deprivation? ... Isolation? ... Cold? ... This is not torture." Later still, when Brzezinski again cited thePost article and said that "there's at least one reported case of torture that is being released by U.S. officials," Buchanan responded, "[T]hey're defining sleep deprivation, cold, isolation as torture."
In fact, as Brzezinski noted, Crawford concluded that Qahtani's treatment in its entirety -- rather than "any one particular act" --constituted torture, as shown by its impact on his medical health. From the Post article:
Crawford, 61, said the combination of the interrogation techniques, their duration and the impact on Qahtani's health led to her conclusion. "The techniques they used were all authorized, but the manner in which they applied them was overly aggressive and too persistent. ... You think of torture, you think of some horrendous physical act done to an individual. This was not any one particular act; this was just a combination of things that had a medical impact on him, that hurt his health. It was abusive and uncalled for. And coercive. Clearly coercive. It was that medical impact that pushed me over the edge" to call it torture, she said.
[...]
Qahtani was denied entry into the United States a month before the Sept. 11 attacks and was allegedly planning to be the plot's 20th hijacker. He was later captured in Afghanistan and transported to Guantanamo in January 2002. His interrogation took place over 50 days from November 2002 to January 2003, though he was held in isolation until April 2003.
"For 160 days his only contact was with the interrogators," said Crawford, who personally reviewed Qahtani's interrogation records and other military documents. "Forty-eight of 54 consecutive days of 18-to-20-hour interrogations. Standing naked in front of a female agent. Subject to strip searches. And insults to his mother and sister."
At one point he was threatened with a military working dog named Zeus, according to a military report. Qahtani "was forced to wear a woman's bra and had a thong placed on his head during the course of his interrogation" and "was told that his mother and sister were whores." With a leash tied to his chains, he was led around the room "and forced to perform a series of dog tricks," the report shows.
The interrogation, portions of which have been previously described by other news organizations, including The Washington Post, was so intense that Qahtani had to be hospitalized twice at Guantanamo with bradycardia, a condition in which the heart rate falls below 60 beats a minute and which in extreme cases can lead to heart failure and death. At one point Qahtani's heart rate dropped to 35 beats per minute, the record shows.
In addition, contrary to Buchanan's assertion that sleep deprivation has not previously been considered torture, Dr Hernán Reyes of the International Committee of the Red Cross' Assistance Division hasnoted that the Supreme Court, in the 1944 case of Ashcraft v. Tennessee, approvingly quoted an American Bar Association report saying that "deprivation of sleep is the most effective torture, and certain to produce any confession desired." In his September 25, 2007, testimony before the Senate Intelligence Committee, Dr. Allen Keller, director of the Bellevue/NYU Program for Survivors of Torture, also listed sleep deprivation as a form of "torture":
There must be no mistake about the brutality of the stress and duress "enhanced interrogation methods" and that the harmful medical consequences, both physical and psychological, of such coercive methods can be long lasting and severe. Each tactic, by itself or in combination has the potential to cause significant harm. These methods should be called for what they are: torture. Let me give some examples:
Sleep Deprivation
Prolonged periods of sleep deprivation can result in confusion, significant cognitive impairments and psychosis-delusions and paranoia -- clearly not predictors for eliciting accurate information. It can also result in long-term psychiatric disorders such as depression. Physical symptoms include headaches and dizziness and chronic disruptions of normal sleep patterns. In describing the use of sleep deprivation by the Soviet police in the 1930's, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn writes in the Gulag Archiplego "Sleeplessness befogs the reason, undermines the will, and the human being ceases to be himself, to be his own, 'I'."
One patient of mine who in his country of origin was kept in a prison cell with bright lights and loud noises described the following. "The absence of sleep made me feel so sick. I felt dizzy. I had headaches. It affected my mind. I had trouble in my mind I felt like I was going crazy." When I first saw him years after his abuse, he was still unable to have a normal night's sleep. Sleep deprivation also weakens the immune system and deprives vital organs of needed time to repair damage inflicted to the body.
From the January 14 edition of MSNBC's Morning Joe:

Comrades, I am truly in awe of your country’s right wing extremists! They are true masters of manipulation and cynicism! I am applauding their methods of arguments. They are possessing of methods that would make Stalin proud!

I am being interested that Comrade Buchanan should provide as evidence to counter the claims of stripping, humiliations, and threats of violence and death, that “But they do that in every prison show you've ever seen.”

Shall your populace accept the argument that torture did not occur so long as it appears in television dramas? If yes, then perhaps my hopes for a Soviet America are not so far gone, yes?

-Dasvedanya

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian

Fare Thee Well, Comrade W. May Providence Watch Over You As You Have Watched Over America

2009-01-07T20:13:00.037-05:00

Comrades,

Please be allowing me to wish you a new Happy Year!

As I have been saying in previous editions, I am in a mourn that your Secretary-General George W. Bush shall soon leave office.Over the many years of the Cold War, large numbers of your country’s leaders, from Secretaries-General to Politburo to Field Marshals, have fought valiantly - or strangely paranoid - in resisting the forms of Communism exported from your former nemesis: Soviet Russia.

For certain there have been small loses: the social security your many elders depend upon; the purchasing of medical care for them, also for your many impoverished children; even feedings for your poorest citizens. These have all been socialist programs for your populace, yes?

But no one is being more successful at bringing socialism to American shores than your “President” W. Bush!

From his bloatings of your federal government in 2001 to his nationalization of corporations in 2008, I am thinking there are worse comrades for socialists, yes?

But I am wanting to be impartial in my views. Is it not true the many fascists inhabiting the Republican politburo should be seeming appreciative of your “president’s” efforts?

What better way of repaying your moneyed overlords than by redistributing wealth to them from the proletariat?

As we are seeing HERE, HERE, or even HERE, your Secretary-General W. Bush has effectively been depositing your tax monies into pockets of corporation overseers, yes?

Or if you are being of the type who is not enamored of reading, perhaps you will be watching progressive propagandist Rachel Maddow:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Much information no one is finding for the redistribution of your wealth, yes? For further informing, I asked for assisting from my new comrade, Professor Von Gaato.

You wish for entertaining, yes? YES?? FOR THE LOVING OF YOUR DEITIES, WHY ARE VOICES NOT QUIET????

Then by all means, please be following below, comrades*:

[Konstantinovich has opened chat]

[von Gaato has joined chat]

K: A pleasing start to the Year New I trust you have found, academician von Gaato?
von Gaato: whatever you f**king Russian s**t.

K: I am lol-ing! Always you are the joking king!
von Gaato: hurry up you f**king sh**head. Theres a huge f**king line of blow with my name on it.

K: Yes Professor. I am understanding your time is valuable. I am hoping you can be illuminative in discussion of your nation’s socialization of banking establishments. I am given to understanding that yourself applied for TARP monies?

von Gaato: F**K YEAH MOTHERF**KER!! Nothing easier. At least not for a rich motherf**ker like me. Youre talking to the CEO of Von Gaato International Limited Stock Holding Properties, BIT**! I downloaded the tarp app from the f**king net. FROM THE F**KING NET!! I laughed my f**king a** off when I saw that?! That a**hat Paulson doesnt even need documention! Its like the stupid f**k is just ASKING me to steal his god**mn money!

K: For furthering understanding, would you please be explaining purpose of your organization?
von Gaato: wtf you stupid or what? I dont even know what the f**k a “stock holding company” does! Aint none of the motherf**kers I got working for me even know! You think those lazy sh**heads in treasury do? F**k no! Those pathetic co**suckers just shoved their heads up their own a**es and cut me a check a f**king little s**t like you wouldn’t believe!

K: Ah. I am comprehending, yes? So hoping for to help your fellow man, you applied for TARP funding, so that you may lend capital to businesses and individuals?
von Gaato: OMFG! You must be the worlds biggest dumba**! When I heard that bush had decided to become paulson’s little bit** and pushed those bunch of pu**ies in congress for cash, I figured I’d get myself a little piece of that sh**. Aint no f**king way im giving up any of this cash for stupid poverty-riddled cu**s like you! I'm a f**king CEO BIT**! That money aint going back to you schmucks! F**K THAT!

K: So I am to understand monies went to prevent your organization from failing, yes? Because the economic failings of marketplace meant stable, even-handed leadership from you and your board of directors was not enough to forestall collapse, yes?
von Gaato: dude you are such a dope! we never gave a rats a** about the business or the f**king peons workings for us! our only concern for the sorry sh**bags was how much money they made us! And stable leadership??! LMFAO! You want to know what me and the board of directors did with company money?we partied like f**king rockstars! H**l, even rock stars couldn’t HOPE to spend cash like we could! We did the minimal amount of work possible. S**t, we did pretty much what we wanted to do. For f**k’s sake, so long as it didn’t get our as**s thrown in prison, we did it! G****mn boy, we were rolling in dough even BEFORE the bailout! LOL AFTER the bailout you shouldve seen just how f**kin depraved executives can be! LOL!

K: Oh…so you and executives were spending monies for purposes other than recovery of economy?
von Gaato: of course we called it “executive bonuses” and s**t but yeah. Let me tell ya there are some sick f**ks up in these boardrooms! I went to a Citibank party after they got their tarp cash, and you wouldn’t believe all the s**t I saw! Dude you wouldn’t believe just how many of those old b**ches are into scat! and that was just in the f**kin hallways! At least all those fat nasty old f**ks saved their most disgusting orgies for the motherf**kin offices, behind closed doors!

K: oh goodness my! Was this being the norm for many of your corporations receiving bailout monies?
von Gaato: well f**k yeah! I threw a party – courtesy your taxpayer dollars d**n yall are stupid – and invited those a**holes from AIG. Of course just about every one of those a**hats brought their own skanky hookers. Boy, girl, bi, transy – didn’t matter to those nasty f**kwits! The place was crawling with vd…I just burned the place afterward rather than clean it…courtesy your TARP cash of course, suckers! But nothing beat those bats**t crazy from Freddie and Fannie! There was so much coke and tar going around I thought for sure all those motherf**kers would OD. But I got to hand it to em, they snorted that s**t up like it was nothing…bas***ds must be buying that s**t up couple hundred kilos at a time! Look bit** I’m done. I got a couple of homeless ladies being delivered…been having bum fights all week and I’m hoping one of these bit**es kill the other LOL

K: Yes I am thanking you for your time. Till we speak again. Dasvedanya!
von Gaato: later loser.

[von Gaato has left chat]

[Konstantinovich has closed chat]

Comrades, I am finding myself in awe of wisdom in blindly turning over many hundreds of billions of your dollars to the wealthy, arrogant CEOs who ran their companies into ground in first place!

I am remembering something prescient of my fellow Russki citizen: "In America, you can always find a party. In Russia, The Party can always find you!"

Indeed, comrade! Indeed.

-Dasvedanya!

* Once again, please be understanding of my edit of Professor von Gaato's profanity. I am understanding that it is once again excessive, but much of it was very, very vulgar and obscene.

Cross posted @ the Good Kentuckian